Divorcing

Been married 20 years 2 kids,both 12.Committed adultery after being in bad place with marriage..long story.
Been separated nearly 2 years now,work away 6 months of year but get reasonable access to kids when home and love having them,and they always seem glad to see me:)my ex dos try to obstruct my contact while away and dos not encourage them talking to me..
Filled in relevant forms initially,and requested split of assets.House payed for,worth about 230,000,mostly new furnished,new car she kept.Only one credit card debt of 3000 i took on.Pay her maintenance of 320/month as based on maintenance calculator.
My solicitor has had no joy with her solicitors(she works there as secretary)They seem to stall and keep asking for more details all the time and haven't once said what she wants.We don't communicate only to sort out by text the kids arrangements.
My solicitor dos not contact me anymore,over last 3 months have rung him(no rtn calls),left messages and dropped emails...think he may be seeing my ex.
Its difficult working away to sort out living arrangements for myself while home and have recently invested in caravan to cover 8.5 months of year and just rented apartments for rest. Cant really settle for kids until finances sorted..kids seem to think its quite amusing i have not a lot at minute,but its not fair on them. Anyway what do i do????Am i that bad a person,many questions above..any answers,bit stuck at moment:(

I have recently kicked my ex out as i found out he was having an affair but he has done it before. we were married 20 years and 2 children had a very comfortable life but that was not enough for him. We were still very much a married couple in every way. However, he was a very selfish hasty tempered man to live with and now i realise that my life will be better without him. So I guess my question to you is did you learn any lessons from what you did to your wife? Do you regret your affair and would you change things if you could? My two children are older than yours and they have decided they do not want anymore to do with their dad lots of reasons really but they dont feel they need him in their life anymore that is their decision. I suppose we are all capable of being unfaithful but it is never the right thing to do whatever you feel is wrong in your marriage. I know it takes two to tango but any woman who can take a man away from his wife and kids in my opinion is not a good person.

I think you will have to go to mediation if you cant sort out things with your wife as most people say that really can help especially if you are not really talking or communicating properly.

Your marriage is over. Who did what and said what and so on is irrelevant.

You need to sort out

a) child care, access etc and
b) finances

You can try mediation, but if your wife doesn't want to do this, you'll have to go to court.

If your solicitor isn't responding find another one, in a firm unconnected with your wife.

I couldn't go in to all the details LillyJb,but i guess i fell out of love with my wife a long time before i did the dirty deed,something I'm not happy to admit.Myself and my wife were not very good at discussing our relationship,it always ended up in an argument.If truth be told everyone has regrets but i think apart from the way i did it,where better off apart,its even more unfair to live a lie.
My relationship with the kids is very good I've always been hands on when I'm at home and spend quality time with them,I'm also paying my way every month for their welfare.
I understand her bitterness and willingness to strip me of all assets but it makes life with the kids hard and unsettled, i was told that above all else, and our differences that the kids come first.
The deal i offered her would net her a new house,payed for ,the car the furniture:unsure: .I could really ramble on but i don't think since the same thing has happened to you that you would be very sympathetic,and thats not what I'm after,i just want to know if people can ever move on and be fair to themselves..and their kids...

Hi Mike

Don't expect sympathy for Adulterers not on Wiki, sorry. I expect that you will be hounded, hated for as long as you draw breath or as long as your stbx draws breath. I feel sympathy towards you in the fact that, you admit it was over before the adultery, you should have been man enough to part before you did the deed. I feel for you been done over by the wife, cos I share that with you. I am torn on your thread, my wife has adultered and choses to hate me with every last breath and is in the process of destroying me, because I did not make her happy enough for her to have to keep trying. She got fed up working at the marriage, cos it should be a pleasure not a job. We all become, bored, stale, life happens and we do have to work at it. Marriage isn't easy, these days it's so easy to walk away, have your cake and eat it, if you are a woman, that is, we are agreed. We, none of us, male or female should sercum to the sins of the flesh, we were Married and should respect the institution.

Hello Mike

At what stage are you, do you have Nisi yet?
Have you completed form E?

If your solicitor is makeing no progress find a new one there are some articles in the library to help.

Well done for thinking of your children first so often they are forgoten when it comes to sorting finances.