Introduction and Advice

Hi to all on this forum.

Wanted to introduce myself and really looking for a bit of advice as to what steps to take.

I am male and have been married for 14 years with two wonderful boys aged 10 & 6. To cut a long story short I met someone else just over a year ago and embarked on an affair. My wife found out about 6 months ago and we committed to try again. We or probably more accuratley my wife tried to make a go of things but for me I knew that I still wanted to be with this other person. Eventually things came to ahead about a fortnight ago and I have now left my wife to be with my new partner.

I want to do the right thing by my wife/children and will do everything both financially and emotionally that I can.
MY wife and I have just started communicaing again but as yet I have not seen the kids but hope to this weekend. I would very much like to settle this amicably without the need of solicitors etc but I guess this will boil down to what we can agree to.
Should I go to a solicitor anyhow to find out what my basic rights are as I know that I am completely the person in the wrong here or wait to see what outcome I can have with my wife first ?
Appreciate all comments

can i ask you why the other woman is so special you would leave your wife and kids for her? The petals always start to fall eventually in a new relationship and then you are back where you started same old mundane routine.

I think it is best all round if you seek legal advice and then go from there and if you are able to reach an amicable agreement over settlement it will be cheaper in the long run.

Not 100% sure what your question has in terms of relevance but my marraige was under a lot of strain prior to the affair for reasons I do not want to go into on this medium. However I accept 100% responsibilty for causing the marraige to end.
Bottom line is I wish my wife to happy and to be loved in a way that I was incapable of and most importantly my children to feel secure that they still have two parents who very much love them.
I appreciate your response and thank you for your advice.

Welcome to Wiki, its a great site with lots of helpful people

Lillyjb - I don't think your opening comment was very helpful. This site is not only to be used by people who have had their marriages ended without their consent, it is open to all is it not?

Maybe it would be an idea BB to call the top number and have 30 mins free consult, it might help clarify things. Also read old posts on here, I have found them great for clearing up issues and making me think of others I hadn't considered.

Well done for wanting to do the best for your stbx and child and I hope things work out for all of you.

Take care

L1

Billybonzo

In your initial post, you asked about seeing a solicitor but, before you go too far down that track, can I suggest you consider mediation, particularly if you want to settle things amicably?

If you don't know much about mediation, there is an article on the subject on this site. It is in the library section of the free resources.

Mediation doesn't work for everybody but, if you don't want an expensive battle and are prepared to compromise, it can have some considerable advantages over the traditional route to separation and divorce.

Hi BB

Marriages end for so many reasons and it is good that you want to do the right thing by your wife and children.

I was much in the same position as your wife and I am sure she will be feeling extremely sad and vulnerable about the whole situation. When we are emotional it is so easy to behave irrationally and make decisions to hurt the other party that may not be our normal behaviour. It is very important to handle the situation gently and treat your wife with respect and sensitivity. Particularly I would say not to involve your girlfriend in negotiations as it is between you, your wife and the children and your wife may resent the interference. Unless your wife is a saint I think you must expect some ups and downs but if you maintain and reassure her and keep the lines of communication open it sounds hopeful you can sort things out amicably as you seem keen to do this.

I agree that mediation may work for you rather than the solicitors route straightaway.

Take care

Q

To Quest, Imediate and Loopy1
Thank you for your comments.
I will certainly take a look at the mediation section of this site to if I can use this as a basis to resolve.
Thanks again