I am new here, and wow this wiki site good

Hi Everyone,

My Name is Jon and I am 42 years old, and have two great kids girls aged 6 and 10.

I have been married for 10 years to a Filipina, I would say honestly I have been unhappy for 8 of those years and 6 years in serprate rooms.

My wife has spent more time making her friends and family happy and has made very little attempt to show me any love or support, even when I spent 5 months in hospital I had only 4 visits and one was to bring Bills in.

I have been to mediation, she worked out when the Mediation told she would have to compromise. The Mediator told me after “that woman wants to destroy you” I can help you.

I want to Divorce, however, I am worried about her supporting the kids as she is very very irresponsible with money, she has always worked cash in hand, refuses to pay bills and tax and pension.

I just want a fair settlement, she is unskilled and have a skilled job and greater earning potential so I am willing to adjust for that in the settlement, however, when We went to a Mediator, she said she has never worked and looked after the kids all the time, this is un-true she works full time cash in hand, with different 5 cleaning jobs (un traceable) all her money (cash is spent on mobiles phones, money sent back to the Philippines, holidays, clothes and shoes (she and even today a £650 camera, and booked a £1200 in vegas, but will not pay one single Bill,

My Worry is if I give her the house which is has about £100K capital, with a very small mortgage she simply will NOT pay the mortgage, and bills and the house will be reprocessed, which would be a heat break as I have spend years making a home for the kids..BTW she has never given one penny to the house.. Only to her sister house in the Philippines

If I give her half or more of the house one she would block the sell or two if she had in cash it would be wasted, sent home i.e. Philippines and the kids would suffer, I hate this !!! her total irresponsible has forced me to stay with her.

Plus she would stop me seeing my kids.

I was planning to start the divorce in April 2009

Help !!

Jon

Hi Jon

Welcome to wiki

I think you need to get some legal advise asap. You can come into chat between 6-8 monday to friday where there will be someone who can advise you.

Sorry i cant be more helpfull.

I'm sure someone else we be along who may be able to help more

Jon,

Welcome to wiki.

When you divorce and the finances are sorted out both sides have to disclose their finances - this includes bank statements etc so hopefully these would show what she has been doing with the money. You will also have the opportunity to raise questions about her finances.

There are ways to ensure she cannot sell any property that is housing the children. For example you can have a charge put on the property which means she cannot sell and will have to pay you your share when certain trigger points are reached such as cohabitation, remarriage or the youngest child leaving full time education. I am not sure if you are able to pay the mortgage directly as part of spousal maintenance but if that is an option it would seem to be a good idea in the circumstances.

Have you worked out your housing options? And have you thought about the best arrangement for the children? Could you apply for shared residency for example?

I think Lizzie is right, you need some legal advice. You can have a free half hour with the wiki lawyers - see the number at the top of the page or you can pop in to DL's legal surgery in chat one evening and talk to her.

Do ask more questions as well. You need to sort out what is best for the children and for you ... being unhappy in a marriage is not good for any of you and if it cannot be retrieved you need support with the next steps.

Hadenoughnow