I'm new to this.....help!!!

Huge welcome xx
Is there aman out there who is going to wake up and realise we dont want you to control us. Of course all wiki men are exempt you are the exceptions !
Pack up and leave short and sweet advice sounds easy I kbnow took me years to throw him out and Im not proud of the way I did it but hey some men only understand drastic action. PM me and I can give you more advice.
Take care x

Suzyq...jumping about in black leather strutting her stuff with men drooling all over the place...have you somewhere you can go for some time out.....being away from the situation helps you see more clearly.

Elle

Hallo Susi and welcome.

I do understand where you are coming from. My husband was with me 31 years (18 married) and gradually became more critical. He was also very critical with our eldest son which I found very difficult as son appears very bolshy on outside but inside I know he is quite insecure.

Anyway, I asked husband to move out back in April and it turns out he was already seeing someone else, who he moved in with in July (he only stayed till son had done his GCSEs).

I was hurt that he didn't seem to have spent any time regretting, but just moved on to someone else.

I am nowhere near contemplating another relationship! I'm on anti-depressants and seeing a counsellor weekly, which is helping.

I've also read a few books, one of which said that when people talk about what they miss in their broken marriage, they really miss having a relationship with someone - not the actual person they are separated from, but just someone to share their joys and sadnesses with. Once you realise you aren't missing an actual person it makes it easier to cope.

Keep posting.

Thanks everyone for your messages.

Thanks NoRegrets, It sounds like you are further along the same journey as me, but I am sad that you have suffered so much in the process.

My husband, too, was very critical of our children, and I don't think he was a close or kind father , although he did love them. He regularly got jealous of time and effort I spent on them though, one of his fave comments was that he was always bottom of my list of priorities, way down below the 3 kids, my mum (whos's 85!!), the cat and a dozen other things. I don't really think he was cut out to be a dad, he's too much wanting to be the centre of the universe himself.

Not sure about what you read in the book about not missing a person, just having someone. I can see the logic, but when you've been with someone 38 years, there is one helluva bond between you, and I think it's that I am mourning for.

Like you I am nowhere near ready to find another relationship, I really doubt I ever will be, although it makes me sad to think I will be alone for the rest of my life.

I have had a very bad day today. Hub helped a bit with housework this morning, and then prepared to go over to his new lady for the weekend. I was feeling quite distraught, and weepy, and you wouldn't be proud of me, those of you who have advised me to show him a couldn't care facade.

With him having found someone else so soon, its confusing me, I can't tell whether I'm upset at the break-up itself, or at the speed of his moving on. I do feel the whole last 38 years of my life have been a pointless waste (apart of course from my 3 lovely children and gorgeous little granddaughter).

PLEASE someone, I need a foolproof recipe for hardening my heart and not caring, before all this hurt and regret drives me insane.

SusiQ