Hi im new to this and feel my lifes falling apart

After being a couple for 8 years and being married for three years with a 2 year old son who means the world to me, my wife has just dropped the bombshell that she wants a divorce.
I saw no signs of this and feel totally destroyed and have no idea what to do. I have beeged her to goto counseling with me but her response is "its not worth it".

I feel like someone is constantly kicking me in the stomach.

Hi,
I understand just how you feel I had been married 15 years when my stbx left and there are no words can describe how I felt inside.All I can say is it does get easier and you learn to accept the fact that you did nothing wrong and life must go on.I'm 5 months down the line and starting to feel much more positive and even quite excited about starting a new life for me and my 2 boys.Hope this helps ,take care x

Hello Stutter.

I too felt like that in the begining. I did not realise that a broken heart actually felt like that. I felt it physically like you - like I had been hit and that my insides were torn apart.

It does get better - but I know that is little confort to you just now. Everyone told me that too - and I thought - ok yes - but just now I cant breath for this pain.

You do not say how long ago this happened - or if you are still in the same home.

I would recommend counselling for yourself - Relate will see you on your own - I did - and it was a real lifeline and made a big difference to my ability to cope and deal with the realities and my feelings.

Has she got someone else - it seems father sudden? I too was in the same position although our relationship was not good at all for a long time. (found out he had someone lined up as well)

Have you good friends/family to talk to - you need to talk and lots, and wiki is a great place to talk too.
The chat room is good to meet and get some immediate support.

Take care and keep posting and reading others posts on here - it really does help

Jolly

we moved into a new house in march of this because she had got a promotion and her dad died last year and left her two houses.

Everything was going well, at least i thought it was because i was travelling twenty miles each way to work and still picking up my son from nursery and spending time with him every day. about six months ago i got promoted and had to change my hours but i still manage to pick up my son but things started to change with my wife cause instead of getting back from work at around six it started to be eight so she missed the bathing and putting to bed of our son she also started going to work all day saturdays which she never used to do. but it is hard bringing up a child when both of you work so i thought nothing of it because we were not arguing.three months ago she started a diet as she said she wanted us to have another child and she needed to lose weight and then that caused her to be tired all the time which meant she got home from work had her tea and went to bed.

Last Friday she went to her Xmas work party and never came home until 6pm on Saturday. she waited until our son was put to bed and then told me she did not feel the same about me and she had snogged someone at the party.
Being shocked and lost for words i asked who it was and did she do anything else for which her response was no. i then said if our marrage means anything then we need to work at it and find out what the problems are. she responded in silence. on sunday she went to her mums to think.
On thursday she came home at 10:45 and went to bed. on friday afternoon i had a text to say she was going on another xmas party and she was staying at a friends.

On saturday at 1pm i had a text asking me to pick her up.
When we got home i put my son down for a nap and she then told me it was over and she doesnt want to try and make it work. i asked her about the man she kissed and she said it was a one off but if she wanted it to be it could be somthing more and she wont tell me who it was.

currently she is at her mums as i have asked for some time so i can come to grips with whats happening.
During all of this i have looked after my son and managed to go to work.

We will still both be in our home but i dont know how long for i just need to try and keep it all together for my son.

sorry for the long winded repsonse.

goodness stutter - you are doing really well by going to work and still looking after your son.
Take it easy on yourself however and realise that you will be in shock - it can hit us randomly and often when we think we are doing ok.

She sounds like she is just running away and not wanting to face up to anything, you do sound like you need to talk - although its difficult to do that if she refuses.

It could be that new job - new life (she does sound like my ex - going to the gym - losing weight - late nights - long hours - then and admission of someone he wanted to be with!!)

It is hard when you dont know the truth.

COuld you mabye arrange for her to talk to you - maybe somewhere neutral or at home - and get her mum to look after your son??? It sounds like you need some answers. I hope you get them.

please do take care of yourself and be very very kind to yourself.

Jolly