Coming to terms with infidelity, and bad marriage

I totally understand the male comments about predatory women and men being surplus to requirements, but I am not and was not like that. I was working full time, but also expected to do all the traditional women's jobs around the house, so that didn't really leave much for a man who was unwilling to meet me half way. to be honest if all men can do is a bit of fixing things when they break, give me a good set of tools and I could probably manage that too.

I just wanted a man to be my equal, rather than think he was above all that stuff.

thanks for everyone's comments, they helped a lot, and gave me things to think about.

I just wanted someone I could talk to and who would cuddle me if I was sad and laugh with me when I was happy. I would have been quite happy to do all the housework, all the gardening, all the childcare and all the social arrangements (which I did) if I'd got something back other than criticism and coldness.

Took me a long time to see how things were, but I don't miss him. I do miss having someone to talk to and share things with, but I don't think he was ever that person.

I clearly didn't mean anything much to him as he's just moved on to someone else without pausing for breath. Then he had the nerve to complain to me about how difficult HER son was!!!!

i did all those things, but then he wanted attention, when I had no time left for anything, worked full time too;i thought i could do all those things, but I just ended up feeling used, when i got nothing back

i dont think it has much to do with male or femal but people, some people are loyal some are not,some situations good and enriching, some not, certainly not worth getting caught up in any all women are like such and such, or all men are.... just a waste of time. my ex dumped me for someone else, but we had problems and i had not paid enough attention to the relationship was busy putting my mid life crisis into finding new interests, new experiences rather than a new person...now back the drawing board aaargh.. i think that the fact the men and women on here all feel hurt and are all emotionally sensitive/intelligent enough to be able to verbalise that shows that not all are the same and therefore should give us all hope, but we have to be careful or we will get more of what we expect if we only expect the worse of the "opposite" gender. so heres to hope ...

Hi all. I only want to comment about the male / female thing in this thread. I (male) left what became a psychologically abusive relationship - how else do you characterise a wife who tried to convince you (and friends) that you had Asperger's Syndrome; arranged an appointment with a psychiatrist; told friends that she hoped I'd have a breakdown because then she could mend me the way she wanted me to be?). However, I don't think that was because she was female; it was because of who she was, who she became, and whatever baggage she was carrying, and maybe who may have been colluding with her in the background. In the end, I think there are far more similarities between the genders than there are differences, and far more differences between individuals of either gender than between the average female or the average male.

2 books which helped me sort this out were:
"The Myth of Mars and Venus" Deborah Cameron
"Venus: The Dark Side" - Roy Sheppard and Mary Cleary

Best wishes

LLYNBH