Coming to terms with infidelity, and bad marriage

Hello

haven't started the divorce thing yet, still trying to get my head round the fact that a partner can be so manipulative, and a cheat, and we still hang around for far too long.

Don't want to feel sorry for myself, infact have delayed divorce in favour of spending money on trip to Eurodisney for kids!

Just wondered how other people have coped being in a similar situation

Yes, it is difficult to come to terms with, it does depress you and the children suffer, but we need to assert ourself, we should not be used or abused, we should not sit around waiting for them to decide our destiny. We need to take the bull by the horns, put yourself in the driving seat, steal thier thunder and put them on the back foot, right where we have been for the last god knows how long. get shut of the adulterer, one strike and your out. You will grieve the death of your marriage, you will hurt for months, but he/she who laughs last, laughs loudest, you are well shot of the lying cheating A-Whole. I share your pain, and I too am sad at the loss of a marriage, but the infidelty cuts deep. Good ridance to bad rubbish, move on.

Sad lad.

Yes, me too. Still greiving, but greiving the loss of my wife that I loved, not the woman who she became. People keep saying to me, move on, and I am trying but it is indeed very difficult, some find it harder than others.

Rejection is not nice, it hurts. I am a good person and I know with hindsight that with a few lifestyle alterations, maybe things would have been different. I just hope she can one day look back with regret at her decision, but everyone is different and my ex will fall on her feet, she always does. That will make it doubley hard to accept. She will no doubt flaunt her new life at me when she actually has the decency and bottle to admit to it. What future does she have with this new guy if she still keeps it secret.

Anyway, all of the best on this horrible and painful journey, we are with you every step of the way.

Years ago I remember reading Jilly Cooper writing about bad relationships and saying that they were like being in a bath that's getting colder. It's still slightly warmer than getting out so you stay in until it gets so cold that you have to get out - and its still cold when you're out too.

I get sick of hearing about how people don't work at their marriages now - I think too many of us put up with too much for too long. I really wish I'd demanded a separation earlier than I did.

Unravelling a marriage is a horrible painful messy business and I am not anywhere near wanting to start divorce proceedings yet.

But I think the marriage I thought I was in wasn't the same one that my husband thought he was in.

that last line sounds so familiar, he just didn't get it, what was wrong, how he was a male chauvenistic pig, etc, it was like we were both watching different films.

I am much happier now than I have been for years, and am concentrating on giving kids a good time, as he was always my priority - yes I know I was wrong, but I am trying to put it right now.

Once I get my holiday paid for divorce will be next, he's got the house, and only pays me £20 per week per kid while I pay rent on 3 bedroom place so might still get more money from him, not for me, but so I can give kids a good time

You both sound like the down trodden poor hard done to female, well mine wasn't down trodden, she assumed the pants in my house, I let her get away with far too much, she was far too selfish and spent very little time at home with either my son or myself. She was happier to sleep with other men rather than address the issues she may have had with myself. When you assert yourself, you were deemed to be abusive, but had I been female, demanding more from my partner would have been acceptable, its such a black and white thing, men cannot be vulnerable, well yes we can and larger numbers of female are becoming predatory, men are becoming surplus to requirement. Dare say, some women on this site would see that as a positive, having had such terrible relationships. You should have got rid earlier, then you wouldn't have had extra years of misery.

here here Mark.

I totally agree about women who have predatory instincts. Obviously they are not all like that and many have been treated as we have. I am sure many woman who got bored and took it upon themselves to end an unhappy relationship (in their eyes) reading these posts will look at us as pathetic whingers. Well I am a proud man, someone who does not neglect his responsibilities and a stbx who has in relation to finances