What a bloody mess

Not sure how all this really works at the moment, but, if you can read about me, then you will know.

Hi

What a very damanging relationship,violence meets violence i think in imo you have taken the correct path , that is your child you are responsible for him.

You can't just dump him on relatives.
Your wife is in cloud cuckoo land let soacial services take him they are so unresourced they will not have the means to do anything with him.
Boarding school not if he is doing well in his current school and has friends.


Keep posting any questions you have and they shall be answered.

Hi Gary
Welcome to wiki. Your situation must be intolerable Im so pleased you found this site and can seek advice and more importantly support.
I can only offer you a huge hug and sympathy. You have in my opinion made a good choice moving out with your son. I find it so hard to come to terms with a woman who you love doing this - when she did it to him wasnt she also in a way doing it to you ?
I would contact the young persons services in your area and/or NSPCC who can point you in the right direction.
Sorry I cant be of more help x

Dear Gary

I am glad to hear you have left with this little boy. Reading between the lines of your profile message, this is a violent woman who is not prepared to offer your child the emotional stability he deserves, hence I am pleased that you have rejected her options and chosen a path for him an you, whilst being so sorry to see that you and he find yourselves in this situation.

I wish you the best of luck with it all.

Amanda

Clearly you ahve taken the correct path. It is of course very sad that the three of you cannot work it out. If you can't see that you can recover the situation then my all means Divorce is the answer.

I am not sure that I would have moved out of the family home, and certainly would be making it clear to you wife that you and your son will be moving back in. If she feels uncomfortable with that she should find temporary accomodation elsewhere. The courts are not going to move you and your son on, instead they will expect her to quick the family home so it makes sense for her to do this now rather than be difficult. She needs to recognise that the welfare of your child, to which by marriage she has taken on a responsibility, is the first consideration.

I am really so sorry for all of you. It would be so easy to cast blame on any one of you or all of you but the sad part is that it is as you say, a bloody mess.

I am also sure that it must be very emotionally painful for you to have to chose between two people you love.

Thanks you to you all for your messages, at least i can see that i am not alone in seeing this as madness, i am not saying my wife is violent, in fact it is her who feels she is at risk from my son, but, i feel that a great deal of irrationality has crept in and she will not see the part that she also plays in it all, i can accept that bringing up a child who is not your own and having teenage"Kevin" type moments can be difficult, but who is the adult here ?

Children can be difficult, teenage children even more so, and its extremely hard if its not your child.

I am not condoning your wife's attitudes, or your son's, but I can see that there are clearly problems in your son acepting your wife's authority and your wife trying to understand your son.

You are caught in the middle and its horrible.

I don't have any advice, other than that you are doing the right thing by sticking to your son, as you have parental responsibility for him. I have a nearly-17-year-old son who is currently driving me mad so I do know its hard.

My husband left us in July to live with woman who (although husband didn't know this when he started seeing her) was our elder son's careers counsellor. Son left school after GCSEs and is currently spending his time in bed, BMXing or on the computer. It is very difficult to talk to him. His father is on his case about getting a job and tells me I should make him do something (how?) and son moans about how his father doesn't care about him, so I also feel caught in the middle.

Life is very tricky at times, isn't it. When my husband held our son minutes after he was born I had no idea we were going to end up here.

Good luck to you and your son, who needs you.