Hi All, nice to have found you

Hi all
I found this site the other night when I couldn't sleep, and it was like a revelation,there is so much help on this site it'll take me a while to make my way around it all.
There are so many stories and feelings famililar to me. Never thought I would end up in this situation and now see my story is no too original.
I am with my H 22 yrs, married 12 with three fab kids. A few years ago we met up with another couple who live nearby,kids in same school. H knew her before. (Had a cheating relationship when he was going out with her best friend she was going out with his, didn't worry me as so long ago, were kids really). Eventually she and H developed V 'close and special' friendship. She undermined me and the kids to him a lot. I said it felt like he no longer loves me and he said that's true.
He became emotionally abusive, I was only allowed phone at certain times of day, lying about calling to her house when her H was away on business, flying into a rage if I asked where he'd been or even appeared to notice he was late.I was constantly called names, belittled, mimicked, threatened, punished etc and told it was all in my head. I lost confidence completely, went to GP who said I was had normal anxiety as reaction to my v stressful situation. Eventually he boiled over and thumped me. I fled the house, told our families what was going on.
Went home next day. He remained emotionally abusive for a long time, but now gets counselling.
I still love him, but don't trust or respect him. I have asked him to leave. He doesn't want to go. Says he doesn't love me but wants to stay for sake of kids. (I earn more and can't help wondering...). He refuses any physical contact with me as 'a punishment' for letting my kids see my parents who he now hates because they know.
He says he has a hard time overcoming my betrayel of telling other people (our families) our business.
I moved him into another room in Oct, but it's really hard living like this. He has communication issues so is difficult to talk to. I would love him to move out to give me head space, he says if he goes he'll never come back as his pride wouldn't let him - more threats.
It's been like this nearly a year now and I feel I live in twilight zone and still feel shocked at how much my world has fallen apart.
How long does it take to get the nerve to do what you know you have to do.
Oooops - sorry I have gone on so long - family and friends tired of hearing all now...
Anyway - look forward to talking to you all over whatever is to come -
Good luck to us all
E

HI
sounds like a nightmare. Personally i think you get to the stage where you deceide enough is enough. Its frightening going through divorce/ seperation etc but sounds like you have good support from family etc. Take care

Hi Etain

you have been living in a horrible place for a long time.

Why is it your fault that he treated you badly?

WHy does he get the right to treat you and "punish" you...all you say is an abusive relationship.

You have to decide I suppose if you are willing to live in this for any longer - but it does sound like you have had enough (and I dont blame you)

there are some great websites to look up for info - but have you had counselling yourself?? and i am sure your family and friends are not fed up at all but keen to help.

Will he change?? is it getting worse?? He says he wants to stay for the children but not for you - that must be so very hurtful, what are you getting out of this?

sorry to be blunt - but you deserve better - crickey a dog would be taken away from an owner if it had been treated like that. How about your kids - are they ok seeing their mum so hurt and put down??

hope you are not offended at me being so blunt - but hope you make the right decision that works best for you and your children.

take care
Jolly

PS
I did not mean to sound unsympathetic or harsh - but I understand very much as I was in a relationship very similar to yours - he left of OW but am glad he did - my self esteem was still there but only just - and 10 months on I am getting better.

We are all here to help and there is a domestic abuse support group on here that you can join, and if you want any of the web addresses - let me know.

good luck and lots of cyber hugs to you ((((H))))

Of course he wants to stay. He doesn't have to cook meals, do washing, be on his own. It's also cheaper.

What do YOU want? That's what matters. He's the one who has been behaving badly. Wanting to punish you shows how pathetic he is. What he means is, he wants to offload his guilt onto you so he can feel better.