Feeling sad and angry

Hi Maggie,

I think what helped me was keeping a daily journal of all the emotions I was feeling, once I had written it down I felt like I had let go of that emotion. Since ex left I have never got angry with him, I rarely got angry or argued with him during our marriage and maybe I should have but that is not in my nature.

Try to turn your anger into something positive he is not worth the upset, just try and detach yourself from him and concentrate on what you need to do for yourself.

Take care.

Poppie xx

Hello Maggie

... and then there's the money to think about.

There are issues around debt in your relationship which will be taken into account in court proceedings if you can show that they are the result of reckless financial behaviour/sheer stupidity. Only you will know. Get businesslike and photocopy every piece of paper in the house now, before he comes back and while you are still on speaking terms. Protect those copies. Things can turn nasty in a flash and the opportunity will be gone.
Also, read up on the divorce documents all provided on Wiki and by the Court Service. Even getting to know how they look has helped me feel more in control of this process.

After this horrible initial period of pain and anguish, you have YOU to think about, both for yourself and because you want to be in a position where you can be a good mum to your boys, no matter how old they are. Turn the anger into busy busy and put it to use. After all, you want the sunset years to be golden ones. I suspect that for your husband they might prove to be more decline and fall of the roman empire once the new lurve interest sees what he's really like.

Sending warm hugs.

livewire

Hallo Maggie

I vented my anger by:

- talking it over with my counsellor
- writing a log of how I felt on my laptop (I since deleted it as it served its purpose)
- using the energy it produced to tackle a grotty job that needed doing, like scrubbing the kitchen floor & units or packing all ex's junk into boxes. This had the double purpose of releasing the tension AND ending up with something achieved!

I know feel that my ex is a pathetic, cowardly deceitful idiot who is not worth thinking about much. So I don't. You will find it easier when you don't have to see him so much.

Hallo Maggie

I vented my anger by:

- talking it over with my counsellor
- writing a log of how I felt on my laptop (I since deleted it as it served its purpose)
- using the energy it produced to tackle a grotty job that needed doing, like scrubbing the kitchen floor & units or packing all ex's junk into boxes. This had the double purpose of releasing the tension AND ending up with something achieved!

I know feel that my ex is a pathetic, cowardly deceitful idiot who is not worth thinking about much. So I don't. You will find it easier when you don't have to see him so much.

Hello again

I have started counselling sessions and hope they will help me to come to terms with the intermittent rage and grief that I continue to feel. My husband has returned home after being away for almost two week.

We agreed that we would talk further about finances and our relationship under the same roof when he returned. And we did. A lot of headway was made over finance, and hopefully we will reach arrangements that will favour me – once we work out how much our pensions are worth. If only we could sell our house!!!

I then tried to explain to him, as logically as possible with as little ranting and raving as I could manage, why I felt so angry and how I felt my trust in him been broken. . As usual he took all my assaults in his stride, and accepted all my criticisms as he usually does. He didn’t want to get involved in criticizing me. Despite the fact that he has ended our marriage in the totally wrong way, possibly out of desperation, he is a nice man. When I asked him to comment and perhaps discuss why I felt as I did, and how we had got to where we were after being together 36 years, he could not. Not that it would make much difference - a leopard cannot change its spots. I think he just cannot cope with letting his guard down, and revealing his innermost thoughts – it may well have destroyed him. I assume his new love has a more ‘stable’ temperament than me, and they may be ideally matched.

However, I did talk to him today and apologized if my words had been more cutting than I intended. He gave me a big hug, and said he probably deserved it. Hopefully, we can now look forward now that I have cleared up some of my main concerns. But I know that I must now make a real effort to go with the flow, manage my anger and pain, and try not to get depressed and over anxious – definitely easier said than done.

Thanks again for listening to my rambles, as I do not want to keep inflicting my sons with negative thoughts about their Dad, even if they do understand why I feel as I do.