Hello

I'm 61, soon to be 62 and my husband of 16 years is leaving me. I expect my home will have to be sold, and I'll have to find somewhere else to live, but not sure how I'm going to afford it. I'm not sleeping and not eating much, simply cannot face it. Everyone probably goes through the same stages at the beginning, so I hope I'm not just feeling sorry for myself. I'm a bit confused at the moment, I need to get my head straight. Thank you for listening to me

Hi Kia,

Welcome to Wiki the best place to be in my opinion for help and support at this difficult time.

I know what you mean about sleeping and eating but give yourself some time try and eat what you can and sleep when you can you need to have the strength to get through this, and you will. Many of us here have compared it to riding a rollercoaster we are all at different stages but remember how it felt from day one so you are not alone.

Look after yourself xxx

Hi Kia,

We met in 'chat' but just wanted to add...

Be very kind to yourself, it's ok to feel the way you feel... however you feel... scream if you want to, cry when you want to but carry on you must...

Set yourself small achievable goals, just your everyday things like taking a bath or shower, making a small meal, something you fancy...

Talk, talk, talk, use your friends and family and your wiki friends.

You have to just go with this time, it can't be rushed. You are a special individual and you have strength at your core... you'll survive this! 'this too will pass... and onto better things'

Love

Molly x

Hello Kia

Your not alone, your head is going to be all over the place at the moment, just take it slowley and take care of yourself. Do you have friends and family to support you at this time? lean on them all you can. Im 3 months into this hell and believe me it does get easier with time.
Sending you a hug, take care , keep posting.

Hi Kia

I know you're very scared and confused as i have been. It's 2 months since I threw my husband out.I go through all sorts of emotions day by day but there are more good days than bad now. Keep talking to friends and family and keep busy, just small little jobs, they give you a sense of achievement. I too don't know where I'm going to end up when the marital home is sold and I also don't think there'll be enough money to buy 2 properties out of 1 but I'm here at the moment finding myself after 35 years of running around after him and when it comes time to move out at least I think I'll be much stronger to cope with it. Good luck to you, you're not alone.x

Hi Kia

My heart goes out to you. Like you, I am almost 62 years. Three months ago, after 34 years of marriage, my husband told me that he had ‘let someone else into his life’. Although we had drifted apart for many years and for many reasons, and I had often thought of divorce, his announcement still came as a shock. It didn’t help that he chose to tell me just a short time after I had retired from work that I enjoyed. He was the last person in the world that I thought would ever think of finding someone else to fill the void in his life.

What you are feeling is absolutely normal; a hurricane has turned your life upside down. I spent the first month crying, not eating and rarely sleeping. Even drinking lots of wine didn’t help. But these feelings will settle in time. I still have a good cry, as it does help relieve tension. If you can, talk to friends and family, and don’t be afraid of how you are feeling. Even in my fragile state, I decided it was important to look after myself - I went to Relate, and started counselling offered by my GP practice. I have found both have helped me a great deal to with this situation, and my increasing anger and frustration. My husband and I still remain under the same roof, as we need to finish renovating our house in order to try and sell it - neither of us can afford to lead separate lives until the house is sold. Also, it is a large house in a rural area, with a few acres of land, and I don’t feel that I should be left as a sitting tenant trying to look after it all by myself.

For the moment, stay in your home, as you have a right to do so. This will give you time to think about your life, and negotiate terms suitable for you with your husband.
And don’t let him pressurise you.

Just remember that you are not alone, and keep posting!!

unabed

Hi Kia

Welcome to WIKI. This is a great site to obtain support and advice to help you through this very difficult time. It very much sounds as if you were aware that the marriage was not in a good shape but, that the ending still came as a shock.

Some tips on what to do now:

Become Sherlock Holmes – Transitions are powerful times that offer great wisdom. Pay close attention and notice the clues. Become mindful of your inner dialogue and limiting beliefs. Write them in a journal or blog on WIKI. Simple awareness will help to break you free of them.

Be Willing – Let go of your need to know and be willing to surrender. It’s really just an ego trip to think you have to know all the answers or how you’re going to get there before you actually experience your new destination. Being open and willing allows you to recognize resources, opportunities, and answers you hadn’t even considered before.

Trust Yourself –The basis of all relationships is trust and it’s never more needed than when you’re in transition. Trust that you will be able to handle whatever life throws your way. Trust that you will come out the other side wiser, more confident, and capable as a result. Create a mantra such as “Let this be a gift for everyone involved” to keep you grounded in that foundation of trust.

Stay Present - Take it one step at a time and be patient with yourself. Stay in the present moment and be alert. Resist the temptation to transport yourself into a future fantasy or rehash the past., your power is always right here, right now, in this present moment.

Hope this helps


XXX Fleur XXX