confused and depressed

My wife of almost 25 years (together 28) walked out on her birthday three months ago to live with some mug from work. I thought we would die together and never really had a clue what was going to happen. Not one person who we know could believe it. Everyone said our marriage was the strongest they knew, so did I. A week after she left I ended up in hospital with a burst ulcer and had to have an operation straight away. I have my son and daughter living with me who are 22 and 18. Both have vowed never to speak to her again. I have told them that time will heal but they are positive that they won't. They have been fantastic throughtout this time.
I have come through the dreams of getting back together and I now know I must divorce her. If I do, I will have to take on giving her half of the equity in the house which I detest the notion of doing because he will bebefit from her having any money. He has nothing. But I want a Clean Break. Do I wait until property prices drop even more or just go ahead with it and bite the bullet?

Welcome to the forum. I found out my husband of 2o years been together 24 had gone into chat rooms and found some woman he started an affair with. My family are of the same opinion they are totally shocked and surprised that he could do this to me and his children. Since I threw him out he has not had much contact with the children but they are young adults themselves so they dont want to know him. It has been about 6 weeks for me and CHristmas and New Year were better than I expected so there are two milestones out of the way. People say that if they loved and respected you they wouldnt have affairs but I sometimes think they get so deep and invloved in their other life that they lose sense of what is real. It is only when they realise that the grass is not greener that they may regret it. I suppose the best advise I can give you is to look after yourself and try to make a new life. My friends and family have been fantastic. He has cut himself off from all family and friends at the minute so must be feeling very ashamed and guilty.

Hi Jay, I share your grief I have gone through a similar situation with my ex husband who thinks the local chav is his future even though she is doing it behind her own husband's back (I will be telling him as soon as I find out who he is). I would consult a good solicitor (ask friends/work colleagues) and see what your solicitor advices, personally if you can afford to 'buy her outright' I would do so in order the get her out of your life. These liars will always fall flat on their faces and realise what morons they have been when its too late. Someone gave me some good advice on this site last week, 'a relationship based on deceit instead of trust will never work'. Well in my case, tough, go back to the hole you have dug for yourself and rot there My adult children are as equally as disgusted with their father as your family are with their mother. Hope their bit of 'slap and tickle' are worth destroying their families.

Hello Jay
Im so sorry to hear of what your going through, you know in the end she will regret what she has done its only a matter of time.
Three months ago my husband also ran off to live with a work colleague, leaving our 25 year marriage I have a son who is 24 and a daughter 22, for 3 months they have had nothing to do with him and have no intention of doing so.
Why do our partners think the grass is greener, its new and different, but eventually it just turns out to be no different, worse in fact because they have lost so much to be there.
Give yourself time take all the love and support from your children, mine keep me going.

Hi Jay1961, I'm sorry she has put you through this, its devastating to find out a partner is having an affair. My ex hubby had a secret affair for 18 months & led a double life. I divorced him 8th Dec & i'm waiing for finances to be sorted so i can absolute it.
He has been trying to win me back since the divorce but i will never trust him again, anyway he has too much baggage now with another womam, i could never forget what he put me through! Look after yourself now, she has lot a lot & will regret it one day. At least you have the kids respect!!
Take care,
Cindy