Hello

Hi Sadface

What your husband is doing sounds very similar to what my wife did. In her case she denied there was someone else involved at first too. There were also lots of other lies, some of which I can prove some I can't.

Unfortunately there is some truth in the whole mid-life crisis thing and after x years of marriages some people do want to throw it all away as they believe the grass is greener on the other side.

In my experience you need to spend some time working at trying to persuade them it isn't. You need to do this so you can look back and know you gave things your best shot. But if it doesn't work, and it didn't for me. You need to move on, get them out of your life (not easy!!!) and rebuild your life without them.

In your case the first step on this rebuilding will be for your husband to move out. If he says he can't afford it you need to suggest ways to make him be able to. Perhaps switch the mortgage to interest only, take a payment holiday etc so there is money available for him to rent a place.

Good luck!

Steve

Hi Sadface, I've been trying to put words to my own introduction. but not been able to do so. Plz wait to hear my side of it on a new post.

Hi Sadface,

Welcome to wiki...

My husband (also mid forties), went through a similar process. I later found out he had been having a long affair. Of course that is certainly not to say that's what's happening here but when I look back there were signs of adultery, I was just blindly trusting and didn't see them.

I found a website marriagebuilders.com, it has some useful information (sometimes seems a bit 'corny' but there is some good advice on it). Don't give up!

Please don't dismiss counselling especially if your husband has mentioned it. At the very least it will help you both to understand where you're at and why. I'm sure you have nothing to lose and should give this a try. I tried even after finding out about the affair... i wasn't prepared to give up without understanding why and really knowing it was the right decision. I am now going through divorce but wherever this journey leads, counselling should help to feel clear about decisions you make.

Actually going through divorce is more painful than I could have ever imagined so please be sure it really is over if this is the route you take to your future happiness.

Sadly, I feel my husband and I missed a great opportunity to rebuild our marriage after the affair but he had gone too far down the road and was well and truly hooked by the other woman... i'm sure he'll see that in time but I know my life is better without him now. It's painful but it's real and true.

Keep posting and take your time, this is perhaps the biggest decision you will make in your life and is unlike anything else you will experience in life.

Thinking of you,

Molly x

Hi Sadface

So sorry to hear what you're going through, it sounds similar to my situation, I really feel for you.

I've only been on here since last night & have already had some amazing advice, it's nice to know they're are people who understand, & tell it like it is.

thinking of you.
tash x