I know my marriage is over

Hi All,
I am 31. Married for 4 and 1/2 years. We were crazy about each other for 3 years before deciding to get married. We don't have any kids.
After marriage things changed a lot. And today I feel we are not compatible in anyway. We are very different and expect completely different things from this marriage and life in general.
I want a life, hence my id on this forum . I want to do a lot of things in life and i will never be able to do any of that while i am in this relationship. After 3 years of trying to get things straightened out, being patient and hoping that things will change, I have given up and don't want to waste life anymore.
I don't feel i love her anymore. I am fond of her and enjoy her company (when she is not acting like a baby) but am really tired of pretending that i love her and that this is for ever.
I have recently spoken my mind to her and she has been crying since then. I hate to see her this way and it kills me but I feel i have to do this coz whatever we had we have lost it and there doesn't seem to be any point in stretching it anymore.

Hi wantalife

Welcome to wikivorce - I completely understand how you and she may be feeling - I presume that there is no one else involved?

My story is very similar to yours, though we do have kids, stbx (soon to be ex) played your role, and she told me pretty much the same thing that you have told yours - all I can say is that 6months down the line - it is starting to get better, but it really hurts, and one's emotions yo-yo from one extreme to the other.

A positive factor in what you have posted, is that you seem to know that it isn't working, and that it is time to make a change - it hurts, but I think that ultimately it'll be for the better, because to stay in a relationship that isn't working from either or both sides, is probably the wrong thing to do. But only you can decide to go through with it.

If you feel that there is scope for trying to understand why you both have diverged, I would suggest trying Relate which may help you.

Keep posting because there are lots of us out here who know exactly how you may be feeling, and I must say that it is great t see a posting from a man, who can see that it isn't working, and is responsive to the hurt that it has caused the other partner - you are a rare breed!!

cheers

dd

Thanks a lot DD. Your response is so incredibly relaxing for me to read. Becuase I have been living with these feelings and even my wife has only recently come to know of them. So it was all pent up inside all the time. Thanks a lot for your support.
To answer your question if there is someone else, there isn't. I have always been faithful. I've always avoided any situation where I may be unfaithful.
And about the issues between us, i think they are irreconciliable and there are too many of them. I was going to put all of them in my post, but didn't want to bore anyone with my cribbing

Hi there,
In my opinion.. better now without kids and hopfully joint mortgage to deal with than later, i left it too long 8 of my 16 years marriage was trying to change my mirror my partner's life and also trying to convinvce myself we could be different and still stay together but bottom line its not easy.

I want more i am more ambitious he is very laid back but also abusive now i have started the process of divorcing him, i have actually found that we wanted the same and didnt just want to be the 'bad guy'

What ever you end up doing, just take care of yourself and follow your heart!

Take care
M;)

wantalife

all of us here are in a similar position, albeit with different variables that have led to our own individual situations.

My situation is similar to yours in that there is no one else involved, it's just that we came to the end of our rainbow, it hurts, but the reality of it all is that we both agreed that we have very little in common except for the children. Sure, we obviously must have had something there to remain married for 13 years, but the pressure of children, differing interests, careers etc have in my view contributed to the drifting apart.

The irony of my relationship was that we prded ourselves in not arguing or getting distracted by minor things - but this approach just led to the penting up of small frustrations until they reached terminal pressure, and exploded - strange how in an effort not to upset the other party we were creating the catalyst for our demise.

As M0407 said - better now than if there were children involved etc.

Your partner will go through all sorts of emotions from hate to anger to depression etc - I am still going through those, but as hard as it may seem to you in that you will feel that you are hurting them, I feel that you have to be strong and go through it.....my view.

I found this site and all the fantastic people here have given me a beacon of hope and a reality check when I'm feeling depressed or angry

Keep posting and we can collectively all help eachother to get through these cr*p times

dd