newlywed divorcing abisive husband

Hi All, Im'm a newbie and need insight!!!
Ok, on the short:
Married 8 mos, fled house at 4mos. We are mid 40's, not 1st marriage no kids together.
He was all i've been waiting for. Finally my turn for a life long marriage and love, family.
About 1 mos after marriage he began the verbal emotional abuse. He first yanked me out of a chair by my hair. No way, what? Me? Him? Where do I go, who to tell? I moved 95 miles away, new job, nothing. I was in shock, denial, nowhere to go....I stayed, and hid it from my 10 yr old sone, his two boys, he had custody.
It continued and got worse to where I called cops, he now has a misd spousal battery and HE filed for divorce about 2 wks after I walked out. It's along story, but....
I am now in a new town, my ex husb now has primary of my son due to I had no home and he would haveto change schools too much.
During the marriage I became employed at same place with husb. He is in construction field, Superintendent and I'm now office manager. So we still see eachother often.
I just found out from his 2 exes and son this is a pattern. He has severly abused his exes and kids. This is not the man I met, fell in love with and married.
He filed, feels justified as I walked out. I was willing to reconcile with him in counseling and workin g to be healthy. I offered him it all
He turned around and blams me, now he is cocky that he turned me down and doesn't love me anymore period and he wants nothing to do with counseling or me. He is now talking to another woman,his son's married mother n law.
I am writhing hurt, mad, angry. I don't get why he lied about his whole life and how he could and would choose to throw me and our marriage away and just act like I never existed. I feel betrayed and I can't stand this feeling. I want him to feel and show hurt, guilt, something. He says he feels nothing and shows nothing. I can't seem to move forward. I left in Oct went back for 1 month and left for good. He said he stopped loving me the minute I walked out the door. I want my husband back, I know he doesn't even exist the man i married was an act.
So, insight, suggestions welcomed on how to put myself back into the driver's seat over this relationship. I wasnt him to see me over it, but he knows my honesty and that I truly did and still love him while he just moves on.

Hi Debbie,

Well done for realising what was happening to you and having the strength to leave as soon as you did.

One thing I will say is that he will never see what you want him to see as long as you are wanting him to see it.

These people don't care what other people think, because they believe they are right in what they do and everyone else is to blame for things.

I want you to take a look at this link and read what it says.

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/freedomprogramme/mrgoodbad.cfm

You may recognise your husband as one of these people but believe that he was the other when you first met.

An abuser has to charm you and tell you what you want to hear and be the person that you want him to be at the start of the relationship and then slowly he becomes who he really is, by which time it maybe too late to walk away because of low self esteem, lack of confidence, no friends.

I would suggest posting your thread in the Domestic Abuse forum now that I have activated your membership. People in there will be able to understand where you are coming from and talk from experience.

Although people try to understand an abuser and the abused, it is a hard subject to really understand unless you have been there.

Keep strong Debbie.

xx Sarah xx