First timer - help!

Hi catliz

I can honestly say that my husband cheating on me has been the worst thing i have ever been through. It totaly devastated me at the time. We had been together 17 years and he was my best friend. I trusted him completley. I couldn't eat, sleep or face the world. I even researched suicide on the net. I asked him to come back twice, i can see now that was through desparation.

He left on the 25th September last year, i was in that state for 2 months until something clicked inside me. I wish i knew what it was. One moment i was crying as usual the next i felt ok.

I will never forgive him for the pain he caused both myself and our son but i can be civil to him, even joke with him sometimes. I look at him now and feel nothing, he is no longer the man i knew.

Now i'm not going to pretend i'm over it, i probably never will get over it totaly, but i have realised that i don't want him but more importantly that i don't need him. I am actualy looking forward to the challenge of being responsible for my own life for the first time.

I've been lucky, my immediate recovery has been quite quick, however i am prepared for the fact that i could hit rock bottom at any time. This really is a rollercoaster and all we can do is ride it the best we can without getting bashed about too much

Finaly this website has been my rock, it helps so much knowing you are not the only one to be feeling what you are feeling and that people do come out of the other side.

Dawn x

Thanks Lizzybenn

I only hope I can be as strong as you and eventually feel the same.

Think the moving on thing is coming the more practical things are sorted out, but even though I am trying to accept he has gone (I have asked him to come back more than twice, so beleive me you did well)I am still finding it hard to accept and am still in denial that it has happened most of the time.

i do look at him and hate/love him but do see him as a different person, expecially the way he talks treats me like actually its all my fault he decided to go.

Really struggling with sharing the children, hoping this will get easier when he gets his own place, as he is contactly texting me to see them at the minute and I can't seem to be free of him enough to get over him, can't agree any set times as not enough for him.

Going to try mediation.