First timer - help!

Husband ran out on me on 12th November, after getting a mega redundancy payment and after clearing out all of our bank accounts. He then surfaced in Oz, where he still remains! Discovered he has been having an affair for months. I'm lonely, distraught and very poor. Can't begin divorce until he is back from Oz. How do people cope with the pain?

Hello Claire and welcome to Wikivorce. Many people here are no strangers to the pain and hurt of humiliation, rejection, anger and fustration that comes with a relationship breakdown.

You might not need to wait for him to return from Australia to commence proceedings, as there are reciprocal arrangements in place with many countries around the world.

I cannot imagine how awful it must be to see the person that you committed your life to behave in such an utterly selfish and uncaring way.

Perhaps if you posted up some more details about your circumstances (age, length of marriage, housing situation, income, assets etc) someone may be able to make some positive suggestions to you. You don't mention any children, which would make a significant difference to the advice people may give you.

For now, welcome to our community. lots of people here that understand that emptiness. Talk to us, pop into the chat room and you will soon realise that you never need to be lonely here.

Sending you a big virtual hug, as I am sure you would appreciate it.

Mike

Hi clairebee,

Why cant you start divorce now...if i were u I would get it started yesterday....take some control....if you petition in UK and UK has juridiction...ur x will be asked to address your petition and if he doesnt....hearings can go on in his absence....just because he has upped n ran...doenst mean you have no rights.

There is a legal surgery here mon to fri 7pm to 9pm where you can ask the res barrister who is well versed on international fam law.

Take care

Elle

Hi Clairbee,

You can start divorce proceedings even if your partner is living abroad. Make an appointment with the WIKI solicitors who offer a first half hour telephone consultation for free.

Elle is right, do try and take control, it will make you feel better.

As for the emotional side, well that's a whole other issue. However, it does get better in time trust us all that say that.

Try to pop into chat, it will help make you feel less isolated. Some of us are further down the line than you, and can therefore help you through this very tough time.


XXX Fleur XXX

Welcome to wiki claire.

God it hurts doesn't it

Youv'e come to right place hun.

I wish i could give you a quick fix answer for the pain that you are going through but i can't. You feel like your world has come to an end and that there is no way forward.
It is still early days for you and it helps to accept the fact that you have the right to feel like crap and that you are going to feel like crap for a while to come.
Go easy on yourself, you are not weak for feeling this way. Lean on your friends, if they are true friends they will listen to you no matter how many times you repeat the same stuff. Try to get out of the house, even if it's just for a 15 min walk around the block. Staying indoors staring at 4 walls with nothing to think about but your pain will only prolong it.
What helped me was when i realised that what my x had done was a terrible thing BUT that it was ME that was hurting myslef more, by isolating myself, not letting people help me, by beating myslef up for being week and by constantly thinking about what i could have done to provent him from turning elsewhere.
Finaly it does get easier, i know it doesn't seem it now but it does with time. It's been almost 4 months for me now and though it is still the thing i think about the most i don't cry about it anymore and that constant feeling of dread has gone.

Dawn x

Thx so much, I am still at the crying constantly stage. What hurts so much is his utter cruelty in cutting me dead and refusing to discuss even the basics. He is a bastard, I think he is enjoying my pain.

Dawn what brilliant advice. It means a lot that the pain becomes less and you learn to accept whats happened and move on - can't imagine ever feeling like that at the moment as it is so fresh and hurts so much but knowing that eventually that feeling will end means a lot.