got what they wanted but still want more!

hi,
i have to say i'm glad i found this site,brings comfort to know your not the only one going through all this crap and have all these worries:)
well we were together for 14 years married for 9 of those, we have three beautiful little girls 8,5,23months they are my life.
in febuary 08 my husband finally admitted he was having an affair,he then just walked out, 2days before our babies first birthday. i had my concerns about our marriage for few months but he always convienced me it was just me being depressed.then i found his mobile phone bill £177 for the month all to her! i told him i'ld forgive him and we'd work things out, he said he just wanted to be on his own sort out what he wanted.3 weeks later he sat down and told the girls and i he wasn't coming back, he didn't want the life he'd got anymore and we weren't enough!(this was the day before my grandads funeral)god i was stuggling to cope with it all,so only god knows what our girls were feeling to here their daddy tell them this:(
turns out his affair with the 'hotel slapper',as she was know,(also about 7months pregnant with her partners 1st baby!) was still going on, they set up home in august.since then they've been determined to make my life hell! the evil texts started, what a crap mum i was, how they'd end up with the girls,how she was going to show me how to be a proper parent! what a selfish bitch i was.so i changed my number and filed for divorce:) i've had phone calls from her and him so i got police involved, don't see why they should be able to harass me after what they've done. think what hurts the most is the way his treated me and more importantly our children. he doesn't understand or see how his hurt our children, he brought her into our home she played with our children, we thought her a friend and all along she was a lot more!!!! all i wanted from him was to put our children first he hasn't once done this. i don't mean by coming back home ( i wouldn't have him anyway)but over christmas rather than spend the day with his children, he chose to go away with her and her daughter.he has never sat the girls down and told them this wasn't there fault.
he confessed to adultery but i'm now left relising that doesn't stand for anything! just starting the finance side of things and he wants a fair share of my house.seems so unfair to think it is my house i paid the deposit,he took on payments after i gave up work for the girls ( he paid for 7 years).i have to pay for the rest of the mortgage life,all to help benifit him. all he pays to me is the child maintance £286 a month! how far does that go with 3 children, when i've asked him to help with extras for the girls ,like swimming, he refuses says he can't afford it! they both have full time jobs!
the girls and i never chose for this to happen,he broke my heart and jumped up and down on it! i'm still angry, hurt and an emotional wreck:unsure: but i have nearly got through a year and have proved i don't need him only my children:) still can't see the light at the end of the tunnel but i'll get there.
sorry for going on but it made me feel better for telling the world:)
loads of hugs and love to you all
xxxxxxxxxx

It is just such crap the way most of us get treated by adulterous spouses!

After they rip our guts out and turn our children's lives upside down they still seem to feel that they somehow should be seen as equal partners. It is worse when you know that they contributed much less than you (either financial or through homelife.)

In time you will get to the point of being armour plated against the sniping and attacks, you simply will not have any feelings for him at all. In a way they do us a favour by showing just how wrong for us they are.

Hi mj75,

Whatever your husband and his girlfriend may think, there is neither reason nor excuse for the abuse you have been receiving from them. It is outrageous! Have they stopped?

As he appears to be living somewhere with this woman it would appear that his housing needs are met so he hasn't much reason to be cocky about the FMH being sold.

You say that you have nearly got through a year without him. That is admirable and in reality excellent, however when it comes to ancillary relief no one who is honest, grits their teeth, knuckles down and tries to make the best of what they have is rewarded for it. In fact they are more likely to be punished for it.

Whatever it is taking you to manage, however great the struggle is now, will be assumed by the court to be acceptable. I would suggest you consider a budget of what you need and apply for maintenance pending suit. Why should you be forced to scrimp and save for the rest of your life?

If you haven't already, apply for all the benefits you could be entitled to as a single parent. A yearly holiday for you and your children is not considered a luxury, especially if in was included in your married lifestyle.

If you are down and depressed, go to the GP - you gain nothing by trying to shoulder all of this on your own.

The very best of luck!

(((((mj75)))))

YA