I am so isolated

Hartir,

I think that one of the things that go hand in hand with the break up of a long term relationship, is an intense feeling of abandonment and rejection. If you are already a naturally shy person, then it becomes almost impossible to integrate with society.

Well done for taking the evening classes, its a big step. Try doing what Kezz is doing, just talk to people that you meet. Smile and nod, say hello. There is no pressure to go any further than that though and if you smile, almost every time, you get a smile back. Slowly, you will gain in confidence.

Don't give up and try to have a positive mental attitude despite what is going on.

Take Care

Hi - I sympathise - I'm a bit the other way, I had lots of friends at work to offer me support and I tended to organise my social life around that too. The problem has come when I was made redundant and also even when i was still at work, the week when I was at work was fine, but the weekend just killed me as I felt I didn't want to intrude on people and so ended up feeling very isolated and lonely at weekends as I'd previously kept that time for 'us' and so found it almost crippling to do anything we'd previously done as a couple and don't have friends locally. My family live over an hour a way and having distanced myself a bit because I've always been so caught up in my job, it has been very difficult to try and rebuild some of those links with them. I don't have kids so I don't have that to focus on either so ...

I ended up getting involved in a community group, just offering help with doing the minutes and stuff. If you've got any kind of skill like that, you could may be go along to something in your local town that would make you feel better about yourself, because you'll be doing something you know you're good at, but also it's obviously a chance to get involved with people you wouldn't normally come across. It also gives you somehting else to focus on. I hope this helps, honestly - although I can be quite sociable, I totally understand your feelings as it's almost harder when you're used to people knowing who you are and starting from scratch. I have also found myself trying to link up with people who are in similar situations - there might be a support group locally. Far better to do it in person than anonymously if you can as you need to have that support network in person to give you something to do and keep your mind off things.

Hartir

As you can see many of us have an understanding of how you feel: I too am 200+ miles away from my family. I do not have a job at present so am generally stuck within these 4 walls with a small child.
I do have a group of friends with whom I keep in contact with, but the majority of them are married. All are working and the single ones have no kids so go out and socialise with each other. I can't remember the last time I was able to meet up with them all on an evening out. The problem with a large group of friends who know each other is that no-one wants to babysit!

I honestly can't remember how I found this site, but was at really low ebb a few months ago and joined. I went into chat on that first night and it was chat that got me hooked! There are loads of different people and lots of conversations going on. Some are light and funny, some are helping people to towrk through their problems or just to listen. No-one minds if you just watch, but if you join in you will see quickly how friendly everyone is.

I really hope that you pluck up the courage to come and join us all - it has made such a difference to my long lonely evenings and I am even going to a Wiki meeting in a few weeks to actually meet all these wonderful people face to face.

Good luck
Jacsmum
x

Hi Hartir,

I too am over 200 miles from my family and also from work, as I generally work from home covering a different region from our main office. Any friends I made locally were through my wife, so since we separated last week and I moved into a flat, I’ve had to rely very much on the few friends I made in the last 12 months – as this is when I decided to go and make some new friends when my wife was no longer available at the weekends.

I joined a local walking group which has been great, a real mix of people across many ages, many of them single, who like nothing more than a chat when out walking. If you are out on a 5-6 hour walk then no matter how shy you are or how difficult you find it to talk to people, then I can guarantee that during those hours you will find plenty of people to chat to without any pressure on time.

Good luck.