Hello

My situation is that my husband of 25 years has just told me he's divorcing me - on the phone from USA! I'm nearly 59 years old and I am now so frightened of the future, which had seemed so rosy and secure. I don't understand why he's doing it, but there's nothing I can do really. I have grown-up children, one of whom has already left home and seems quite calm and OK, but my 18 year-old son is devastated. I can hardly take it in to be honest, it was such a shock. I thought that doing SOMETHING, even just joining a forum like this, would be great support. I feel for you all!

Hi January, welcome to wiki

Wow what a shock you've just had. Have you spoken to your husband and asked him to explain? He owes you that much at least.

This site is a fantastic place to come for support and advice.

I'm sure someone else will be along who can give you practical advice.

Emotionaly you are going to be up and down, be kind to yourself, you have every right to feel crappy. Don't isolate yourself and lean on family and friends. I'm sure your son will be fine once the initial shock had passed, however he will need to know a reason for the marriage breakdown as much as you to help him to understand the situation.

Take care

Dawn x

Hallo

What a bombshell! You are not alone.

I expect you are still reeling from the shock. You will also probably feel disbelief, denial, anger and grief.

It is tough - but you will survive. All change (even good change) is unknown and therefore scary, but you have managed changes before and you can cope with this.

Teenagers are having a difficult time anyway learning to be adult. My 16 year old reacted by leaving school after his GCSEs and spending 3 months loafing about. He's only just started applying for jobs now.

You can't control what your husband does, but you can control what you do. I said to my two boys (I have another one, 14) that although Dad was leaving home, I would always be there for them and have given them opportunities to talk if they wanted to. But they both think their Dad is a twerp.

The financial side can be scary - especially with the economy the way it is. This site can help with information and your local library will have a lot of books on divorce etc. 25 years is a long time so you will not be left destitute.

Thank you so much for this. It's a comfort to talk to people who understand what you're going through, isn't it.
I can't explain it all, my brain is just reeling at the moment. When you love someone, you make yourself vulnerable, don't you? Anyway, thank you for responding - you're being very kind, bless you.

Thank you so much for this - it's very kind of you to respond, and your words are a comfort. Your list of feelings is absolutely spot on. Disbelief is probably tops at the moment. I cannot understand how he can do this - so heartless and cold - when you think what we have shared over the years.
Anyway, everyone here will have similar stories to this, and a lot of people's problems are so much worse. I hope I will be able to offer someone a bit of comfort in my turn, sometime.
Thanks once more, and I hope we can "meet" again!

I pop in most days and there's usually someone about on the site.

My own story is that my ex and I hadn't been getting on for ages, but I stayed with him as I thought it was best for our children. Last year was so awful I asked him for a separation and he


agreed. I felt relief, which shows how bad things were. We jointly decided to carry on until elder son had finished GCSEs. Later I wormed out of ex the fact that he had another woman.

Although I had kind of suspected it, it was still a shock, and although I didn't want ex any more I felt really betrayed and disappointed that he wasn't able to be honest with me and hurt that he could just move from 31 years with me to someone else without pausing for breath.

So I did think I would feel relieved when he did move out, as I felt I was complicit in his deception. Instead I was overwhelmed with grief and cried so much that I went to GP and got anti-depressants and have been seeing a counsellor every week for the last 7 months, which has been very helpful. After the crying I felt so angry. Very hard as ex wanted to pop in and chat as though nothing had happened!

Now I just feel indifferent to him and only talk when I need to. He seems to think I'm his Mum, he wants to tell me all about the difficulties he's having with his new woman's son, no idea how inappropriate that is, especially since he doesn't make much effort with his own children.