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i was with my ex for 16 years found he had a afair with a girl 10years younger,he left and went to stay with her .he said many times he wish he didtleave ,she was got pregnent,He said he never wanted to hurt me ,to cunt long story short he ended up leaving her went baby was about 6 months, she ended up prenent again he didt know if was his,it turned out it was,
He stay on his owen comes to mine every other day to see our kids,takes them to see there sisters on sundays, i have tried every thing to move on .dating chat rooms ,but no matter what i do i cant stop thinking off him i get angery there are days i cant stop crying,He wants to be friends tells me everything ,i know hes seeing other women but he says it just for sex he dont want to have another relationship he dont want to hurt me anymore,
Is it me or am i totaly being a fool thinking he will change ,hes not a bad person he pays my morgage the house is in my name dont have to pay it if he dont want to but he does,he even goes out his way to buy me presents for christmas,
got me perfume and said to me thats the best one was dimond he always called me jewels as in dimond ,
im i confussed or is he playing with my feelings he knows i love him i just dont know anymore what im doing ,cat stoping this mess want to move on but never seem like things will change...am i going mad or does this happen normaly.

Hi Jewels and welcome to wiki.

It's no wonder you're confused hun, you're getting so many mixed signals from your ex it would be hard not to be.

There is no way that you can move on with your life with the current situation. It seems to me that your ex wants you in his life but does not want the commitment anymore. He wants your support and friendship and nothing else. What you have to decide is is that enough for you? From what you've said already i don't think it is.

You need to get tough with yourself and him. Try to have as little contact with him as possible, don't allow him to tell you about his life, tell him you will only discuss the children, house and finances, anything else is off limits. You are not his friend, you are the woman that trusted him, the woman he cheated on and left. I'm not saying be nasty to him, just be polite and business like.

Concentrate on you're life. Stay away from the dating sites, you're not ready for that yet. You need to build your own life for yourself and children. Go out with friends, do something you've always wanted to do, find an interest, anything to help you to become an independant woman.

My husband had an affair with a girl 22 years his junior after 17 years together. He'd love for us to be the best friends we were but that will never be possible. I will never forgive him or be able to trust him enough for that. I am civil to him, he also wants to tell me about his new life with his girlfriend but i am not interested. I want as little contact with him as possible.

You can do this, you know what you have to do and it is so hard but you do have to do it for your own sanity.

Keep posting and call into chat, there will always be someone willing to listen.

Take care

Dawn

You can't get over him if he's buying you presents and talking to you all the time.

You need to minimise contact asap. If he was going to come back properly he would have done it ages ago. He's left you with his children, gone to another woman and now left her with two children, can you see a pattern? He wants the fun bits of a relationship but not the dull bits.