Hello

Hello, I am 48 today! Moved back from London at the end of July last year with my husband of 16 years only to discover that he was having an affair. He is in the armed forces hence us moving. I have never been so devastated in my life and I felt as though my life was over. I thought he was my soul mate, best friend, husband for life! I asked him to leave and we did try to sort things out at first but he was still in contact with the other person. He eventually moved out in September and I felt as though my life was over. I took an overdose and ended up in hospital. I know it is a while since this has happened. I am still in the army quarter and will be moving to my own house the middle of March (had to decorate and furnish from scratch). The house is in my name only (his name of endownment) and I purchased it just before we were married. He said if I don't touch his army pension then he won't touch the house (would pay off my small mortgate using the joint endownment money and paying the balance). I feel that I would be silly not to take some of his pension (have been advised) even though at first I wasn't going to do it. I just wish this nightmare was all over and I still wish this hadn't happened. I love him with all my heart and can't wait for the day that I am told I will be happy again. Any advise please?

I split up from stbx in November when found it he was having affair with my best friend.

We have come to a financial agreement where I bought him out of the house (much reduced than what he could have been entitled to) and having the endowments transferred to my name, but in doing that I wouldn't touch his pension.

I, like you, was advised to go for his pension, but the time and cost it would take to get that sorted didn't seem worth it. Also, I needed the house now for my daughter and I rather than struggle with having to get a new smaller home and get a pension in 20 years time.

I have my own pension so I am covered and I will have my own house.

Sometimes the hassle of going for the pension is not really worth it in my opinion but it has to be the best thing for you to do.

Good luck
Ali

If you wait for someone else to tell you you will be happy again it will be a long wait.

Tell yourself you are happy. Put some happy music on and have a dance. You can't love someone who has deceived you. If he really was your soulmate he wouldn't have done that.

Concentrate on new home and new you.

Biffy, you will be happy if you believe that. Everything happens for a reason, look forwards to all the great things you will achieve and all the fantastic people u will meet..Good luck hun x

Welcome to wiki - sorry you need, us but glad you found us .

Re the ex...meh - we wont be having him telling you what you are going to get

Read this:

www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Divorce-Forum/...G-IN-THIS-FORUM.html

Post that info, and the lovely wiki peeps will do some sums for you.

Amanda

Welcome Biffy,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Sorry to have to meet you under such circumstances. Things will get better, I know it's hard to believe. The person you knew has gone and been replaced with an alien!!

Have a good look round on here, there are many stories, some similar to your, other very different. What you will see though, is the way people have got through things and rebuilt their lives.

Take Care