Not sure where to start, but hey.....

....do I start with a simple "hello" or do I go all out with a warts 'n' all account of how I came to be here. How about somewhere in between - a slightly condensed version....


...."Hi".....THE BITCH!!!!!

haha - only kidding:P

Right, cut a loooooooong story short.

I found out my wife had an affair in 2005, which she said she had finished (later proven to be untrue).

We decided to put it behind us and move on together. Also deciding that after having one child for 9 years we would try for our second. She fell pregnant, but sadly we lost our second daughter who was still-born at full term in August'06.

We decided again, that we would try immediately for another child and were blessed to found out that she was pregnant in November '06.

With me so far, right, here in gets complicated. I found out in December '06 that she was having an affair with my (then) best mate, and had been doing so since at least October. I moved out, then moved back in in January, after she told me the affair was over, I discovered in March that the affair hadn't finished at all, so I moved out again (this time for good).

I wasnt present at the birth of our daughter because she couldnt be sure if the baby was mine or not, subsequently proven (to my delight) by paternity test in December '07. At this time, I also found out from one of her brothers that to his knowledge, this was at least the 5th time she had cheated on me to one degree or another.

She moved in with the guy immediately in March, (different to the guy in 2005), but this finished in December '08. Now she is planning to move in with an ex boyfriend of hers from 20 years ago.

Much,much more to it but I dont want to put everyone off, especially as it's my first post!!

HI,
jesus, where do you start with this.
The abridged version must be, better you found out now rather than much much later, and what is it with this woman?
Your post seems fairly upbeat, so I guess your not as numb?
Really not sure how someone can do this so close to have given birth etc?

Hallo and welcome.

We all start out here on Heartache Avenue, but gradually we are able to think about moving on to the Bright Side of the Road!

Sorry to hear about the stillbirth, that must have been awful. But even worse to find out that your wife has been so unfaithful.

Hi vacantone

welcome to wiki. Its a great place for support, sharing and advice.

I am sorry to hear what you have been through. I am still stunned by the amount of heartache people go through and admiration to you for getting through this with your sense of humour in tact.

I am sure that you will find lots of good advice and support here, for sadly you are not alone, but the good news its that you have come to the best place

At least you are not still in the dark, you have two lovely children to concentrate on and a future to look forward to without being hurt anymore by your ex.

Take care

Hello...What a post!
Know how you're feeling, I've been through similar to you and am now going through it yet again (as we all are on here!)
Everybody tells me time is a great healer but it's difficult to see that now.
You sound quite positive and thats a bonus
Take care and look after you

Hey Vacatone

Welcome!

Firstly, as others have said it is great that you are sounding so upbeat and accepting of your situ as is.

Without knowing the full ins and outs of it as you've given us the mini-skirt version I know there will be so much more you could tell us and going by my story that could end up like war and peace.

From my experience which also included being cheated on is that in the short term you need to focus on yourself and you only, there is likely to be more warfare between the two of you in the coming weeks and its during these times that you need to be strong enough to maintain your self respect and dignity as much as possible. I used anger once i felt strong enough to, not in a violent way but to help me focus, its like the inner voice telling you that you wont let anyone treat you like that or be the walkover. The emotional tsunami of it can take you to places you never expected to go to, dont rush yourself as in time it DOES get better. You'll soon think you've had a lucky escape and will never want to go back, further down the line you will be optimistic about your future.

Talk to your friends/family and people you can trust - it helped me and believe me I needed it. Keep as busy as possible, eat well and keep fit, in the long run these things will add to the recovery process. I found that doing weights, press-ups and sit ups etc helped me to keep my mind strong.

In the meantime stay strong for you and keep posting on here as you'll find the advice and friendship comforting, they're a great bunch and here for you 24/7.

Take care mate.

C.

Firstly, a heart-felt "thank you" for all your kind replies (and so quick too!!)

Thankfully my girls and my sense of humour get me through things without too much dwelling. The ex is still lying to me about who she is or isnt seeing, about who is or isnt in my girls life etc etc etc. Thats what annoys me most I think.

I'm sure that the site will be of great use to me, and I hope that I can offer words of "ahem" wisdom, to others along the way too.

I'm certain that I'll crop up somewhere on other posts (now there's a threat!!) sporadically probably.

Thanks again.