Should be available on the NHS!

I discovered this site last night! It should be available on the NHS. It would have been so useful to read through other peoples experiences and realise that all the feelings were "normal" when faced with a situation such as this. What happens does the "divorce fairy" springle "divorce fairy dust" and turns what were perfectly happy, loving partners into aliens spouting the same rubbish with the same excuses. "I love you, but Im not IN love with you", "I have wanted to leave on and off for years", "I want to do what I want to do" etc etc. Perusing a few forums so many things jump out at me and I think if only I knew. One such forum "the worst feeling" was a prime example. Not eating, not sleeping, crying for what seems like forever. Desperation, the feeling in your chest that wont go away (I now know what they mean by broken hearted). Wondering why someone you have loved so much for so long who you believed, no knew they loved you could treat you so badly, be so cruel.
When my husband decided he "wanted to do what he wanted to do" last May/June it came as a complete bolt out of the blue. Of course want to do what he wants to do is probably have a relationship with someone else. I have a copy of a virtual relationship conversation he had with someone Facebook. That person then went on to advise and I suspect do a lot of research for him. "Its a pity you have a wife and family" will haunt me forever.
Anyway I digress. My husband or rather stbex (it took me a while to work that out)is an Officer in the British Army. Once he walked out the clock started ticking for us to move out of our Army quarter. I have managed it, got myself a job and moved and am currently renting. From the beginning he bullied me wanting me to move out straight away, wanting me to make decisions I wasnt ready to make. When I said,when pressed a few weeks in that I wouldnt divorce him he told me he would find a reason to divorce me. And boy did he find not one but eight very long winded reasons, all lies. It has been one shock after another culminating in finding out last Wed that the Decree Nisi had been issued on 12 Dec, consequently got mixed up in the post and I suspect at the bottom of a pile of post at the sols. I will probably be divorced by the end of this month, nay this week. Am I ready, no way. It beggars belief that 1) At no point has my husband warned me about any of the stages of the divorce, including the nisi and 2) That the law allows people to storm their way through a divorce without taking the respondent into account.
A couple of things I will say, I am so lucky to have had such good friends who have kept my head above water. People I could phone at the drop of a hat. People who advised and basically steered me in the right direction when I really couldnt think for myself. But more importantly I have my children 18 and 15. My children are good kids, who are who they are because they have been brought up in a happy, stable family.

Hi Marsa, sorry to hear your story, you are spot on about the language of excuses and the feeling of being blitzed by someone you thought you knew.
I`m 18 months down the line and although my story is both complicated and predictable , all in one, i can guarantee you`ll feel differently soon. Your exes ` behaviour will do you a favour in the end, you`ll stop thinking about him when the shock has subsided ( you have not had a chance to breathe yet) and realise that even if he came crawling back with all the flowers, diamonds and gold in the world, you would NOT want him in reality, sounds strange but you will realise he`s not your type, that`s why his behaviour seems alien to you.
I`m not perfect by any means , nor are you , nor is anyone but i have always played with a straight bat, it`s the only way i know and feel comfortable with, it sounds like you have too so you will find peace that is real and genuine and you have all that goodness to take forward, good luck and take care , you know you`re ok when you are neither annoyed or upset by him , that`s coming and that`s a fact x

marsa,

welcome to wiki. Just one thing ... have you got the financial settlement sorted out yet? Your stbx will have a services pension and you should have a share of that. You should also be getting child maintenance and possibly even spousal maintenance depending on your circumstances. You should make sure the absolute is not granted until this has been sorted.

The finances are separate to the divorce itself - and whatever reasons he came up with will have no bearing on it.

Hadenoughnow

Wow thankyou. In all of this I keep thinking what is so wrong about me that he could treat me like this. A friend said to me last week that maybe it was me who made him the nice man he was and his true colours are coming out now I am no longer in his life. You have, in a roundabout way, reiterated that.
I know that I am a good person! I believe in honesty and cannot lie to save my life so yes maybe that his why his behaviour is so alien to me. It has certainly got me thinking, which is no bad thing

marsa

It is often said on here that the person you married is NOT the person you are divorcing .

Sounds like you need a big dose of wiki advice to deal with him .

Hadenoughnow

We are nowhere near sorting out the finances. At the moment he isnt even giving me any maintenance for our 15 year old. He was putting money into a joint acct for a while but this dwindled and last month he only put enough in to cover the dds. I havent even used it for a while cant be bothered with his monitoring of what I spend. Which I hasten to add is very little. He has been told by his Sol that he shouldnt keep drip feeding me money!!! (Well he said it was his Sol it may well be someone else giving advice). My solicitor has applied to Protect my Widows Pension/Pension Rights but cannot stop the absolute being issued. Its all very scary!