Hi There...found this place this afternoon!

I seem to have spent the last 2 days crying...going from angry to lonley to wanting him back!!!
Sorry what a mess ~I seem to have got myself into!!
What a way to intruduce myself!
My H told me on a monday morning (18th Nov) just befor my daughter's 13th b/day (not his) that he felt that we were more like brother and sister and he wasn't happy so thought we should split....that there was nobody else(he'd been acting weired all weekend!) and he would stay till after xmas. I told him that I could not cope with that...so he moved into a room in the pub he works at. Soon afterwards I was told that he had a new girfriend. This is when He started to lie saying he didn't meet her till after he left, it took a while but i found out he had been talking to this girl~(i say girl as she is only 26..almost half his age!)on a networking site. He eventually admitted this and that it started before he left(he was sitting chatting to her on his laptop while I was only a few feet away.) He then changed his mind about a divorce and wants one quickly even willing to admit to adultery to get it sorted. I forgot to mention he had an affair 3 yrs ago and left but wanted to come back....as long as I didn't hold it against him! Which is what happened as I wanted my marriage to work!
Now I just feel he is putting himself first has forced me to take on his cleaning job to get money, so he does not have to support me or the daughter he has bought up for nearly 10 years.
I was doing everything to make life easy for him....but doing a job i'm not fit for( I have several illnesses that debilitate me) and bending over backwards for him with no help from him has made me feel like I have MUG written on my forehead.
I tried explaining how I felt so being so mature he turned off his phone...so now I think I should not go for an easy divorce but get him to face up to his responsibility.
He walked away from his first marriage, and 2 teenage step-daughters after 17 yrs and didn't look back. this was 12 months before we met. His new girlfriend has a young child and he is already moved in....I feel used, hurt, angry...and have no support as He was never happy with me making friends. My daughter has been great...but I'm glad I found others who understand.
Any advice would be great...this isn't the full story but the baisics...and i feel I have taken enouh of your time!
Arly...in need of help!!!!!

Hi Arly. welcome,

Sounds like you are ready to face up to the fact that your ex has been much less commited and honest than you. Of course you feel awful right now- he has cheated you and hurt you deeply.

Because you are a normal thinking, caring human being, you are beside yourself with grief.

You will get all the support you need, at nearly any hour of the day or night on this site. Lots of comfort and practical advice.

It is time for you to move on, and it is painful. But you are going in the right direction- away from lies and pain, and towards a happier future.

Be strong, and post as much as you need to. Someone will be here to answer .

Stanza xx

Hi thanks for the reply, I do not want him back...there is no way i coul go through this for a third time....he just seems to get bored and have to find someone new...and he can't be alone!!
arly

They seldom change... I went through the motions of having my ex back many times because I wanted my marriage to work. In the end I was the one doing all the trying and he came and went as he pleased!
Sooner or later you have to give up and think of yourself and child. Let him move onto his pastures greener...He will only findf out, in time, that it's just a different shade of green!!!!
Most men just can't be alone, that's because they are the weaker sex!
Take care and stay strong:)

thankyou angeldust, I know that there is no going back....I just wish he would be honest and just face up to what he has done......an apology would be good.....but not likely. I will make a life for myself and my daughter...it may just take a while to get there!!
Arly

Hi Arly and welcome to Wiki x

Sorry to hear what you are going through. You are not alone, there are lots of lovely people to help you here.

I would not hold out for an apology hun, usually its everyone elses fault but their own. And even if they do apologise in the early flushes of their new affair its usually to stop you taking them to the cleaners or out of guilt.

Would you believe him? and hun, I am sure that it wont even make you feel much better.

Take time to just concentrate on you and your daughter x little steps and take each day at a time.

Good news is that you know that you dont want him back and dont ever have to go through it again with him x Be strong and you will be good in time x

take care x

Hi Arly,

Sorry to hear of your situation.

It's such a shame that this sort of thing seems to happen to decent people, lifes too short for it all, but we have it to deal with none-the-less.

I think apologies are rare. Your more likely to get it twisted round to be mostly your fault. You have to be tough and rise above that though.

My W left in similar circumstances almost 12 months ago, and to this day I've never had an apology, explanation, nothing! That's after 10yrs of what I thought was a happy marriage!

Be tough Arly and dont go back, your feet face forwards, go that way.

Good luck.

Jim.