My story

Back in 2005 I was the happiest woman on earth. My second son was born in January, my family was complete, and I was full of joy. In September my world fell apart. I knew something wasn't right - my husband had been keepinghis distance. It turns out he wanted something else in life - something spontaneous, and of course more sex.

At first it was such a relief. We had been together 11 years (since we were 19), and although I loved him with all my heart I always felt he didn't love me enough. Anyway, over the next 4 months he really messed me about emotionally. At first there were lies about having numberous affairs (he hoped I would hate him and let go!), then he planned to emmigrate, finally it turns out there was another woman. He kept coming back home and then leaving, and it turns out in the end he had been having an affair with this woman since the year before.

Of course life is never that simple. Her husband knew nothing about it - he found out Feb 2006. My life then took a turn for the worse - I was made redundant after working for a company for 10 years. Suddenly everything I knew was gone. After that my ex's life fell apart too, he suffered severe depression, was made redundant too and finally came crawling home. I am a carer and let him back into my life.

Last summer things weren't going well. He was becoming more and more withdrawn, and it was really effecting my confidence in our relationship - seeing how he had left me for his sole mate previously.

I would voice my concerns and talk to him about the way I was feeling but he never made me feel wanted. I finally found text messages he had sent to a friend stating how unhappy he was at home! That's it, time to leave!! I had had enough. Two years he had to try and repair the damage and it turns out he couldn't even be bothered.

There have been so many lies - he also had a relationship with someone else whilst we were seperated but had lied about it, and was still keeping in touch with this woman.

I am finally on anti-depressents and feel so much more stable (I had been on an emotional rollercoaster). I am looking forward to my new life and meeting someone who appreciates me! Am I scared? Not too sure. I don't think too much about being on my own with the boys (We have 2 sons 8 and 4), but know I don't have any free time outside of work and family life.

I am lucky we are still on speaking terms. He was my support through the first split as I had no close friends at the time. I have the house, and the boys live with me.

I am now ready to take the final step and talk about divorce.

Claire
x

Hi Claire

Welcome to the site, I'm sure lots of people will help you and make you feel that you are not alone.

I only found the site a couple of weeks ago and am becoming quite dependant on the forums to guide me in the right direction or help me look into things more thoroughly before I act, also given me something to do in the evenings when the kids are in bed and I feel my lowest.

My stbx left in November and I have been on an emotional rollercoaster, sadness, anger, grief etc now I just feel a bit numb, cannot get over the disbelief I am feeling but sure I will in the end.

Stay strong and try not to get too used to the anti depressants, may make you feel better but so will getting out in the fresh air with your boys, playing with them, chatting to friends and generally taking your mind of the crap.

Take care - kids are the greatest healer, don't know what I would do without my boys.

Love C x

Hi Claire

Welcome to Wiki. It is a good place to be as you will find alot of info re all the legalities but also alot of support from people who have been there or are still in the thick of it.

You made a decision that you want a better life for you and your sons. Well done. Yes it comes with alot of heart ache and the dreaded roller coaster.

But things will get easier...time does heal.

I wish you luck on you journey!!

Claudette