now what?

I've been married just under 19 years, have 2 children. Recently I found out that my wife has been having an 'affair' with some chap in the US via Facebook. This seems to have been going on for about 3-4 months. Her behaviour changed big time and very soon everything was a big secret. Her life revolved around her mobile and her laptop. I questioned her many a time, but she denied all. In the end I hacked into her Facebook account and read all. I wish I hadn't as I now am heartbroken.The conversation was of a sexual nature, and she went on and on about how she loved him and she wanted to be his wife . When it all came out she blamed me for invading her privacy, which yes I did, but I had to do something to protect my family. We have just started a 6 month 'give each other some space' period. Life is now just one endless cycle of heartache and pain.

Really sorry to hear your situation, and feel for you.

I am going through divorce but not for this type of reason. If it helps I have seen my mum and dad cheat on each other, they both found out about each other in the end, and they had a really rough time to begin with, but ended up sticking together because they learnt from it. They really looked at what was wrong and both tried to correct the issues.

Not saying you should do the same, as it depends on how you feel. But you can get through it if you both want to try to.

Big hug sent to you. You can find support on here.

All the best...

RL

It's a miserable time. I hope the separation gives you and your wife space to decide what you want for the future.

It's strange that. My W did exactly the same thing. She had a facebook account and spent most of her time on the laptop. She also had 2 mobile phones, which she kept glued to her person!

Then, one night, while she was asleep, her mobile phone went off which was in her hand, under the pillow! I took the liberty of reading the message, I dont suppose I need me to tell you what it was about.

To cut a long story short, I hacked her facebook account and found exactly the same sort of thing as you.

Anyway, just to let you know, I tried for months to save our marriage after confronting her and her saying sorry blah, blah, blah. But I'll tell you this, dont waste your time mate, lifes too short to put yourself through even more hell than you need to.

It's like, this guy comes along and trips over the chord that plugs your wifes brain into reality and poof! their off!

Be tough mate and think of yourself from now on. I know it hurts like hell and you have to deal with all that irrationality, but you must toughen up to her or it will only get worse.

Good luck,

Jim.

Agree with Jam30.

My wife had several emotional affairs via letter, email and msn and had started planning behind my back to leave.
I found out on a trip to germany when i log filed her computer.

We struggled through more for the sake of the kids and it was the wrong thing to do.

Last night we split again and this time i'm more prepared although have no place to stay yet but i'm sticking to my guns and not going to give it another go again.

Take care

Hi cricket

Welcome to wiki - it's extremely difficult to hold onto any relationship once the trust is broken, much less move it forward.

I feel for you. For myself, once I was sure the trust was irretrievably lost, I drew a line under it and separated. I just can't live like that and was becoming neurotic - checking on his computer daily before going to work!!

We went to Relate for 8 months - which convinced me that I didn't want to continue in the marriage. The damage doesn't just break the trust, in my opinion, it also messes with the love itself.

I wish you well in the decisions you make, and hope things work out for you.

Shezi