Well Here I Am,..I Never Thought I Had It In Me!!!

Hi Everyone,

I've been looking on this site for months now reading everyones stories and so i finally decided to join and add mine.

I've been with my STBX on/off 14 years, 2 children, 4 and 15, married 2 years ago. He has children from previous relationships, one before we met and one during which he's never had much to do with.
Basically, 3 years ago i came into a large sum of money via my inheritance and thought i was doing the right thing getting married, buying a house and living reasonably happy ever after.
Despite being unemployed and not long having a baby, and my STBX earning just short of £2K a month we got hitched.

I paid for EVERYTHING..the wedding abroad, holidays, the £180K deposit on our house, the £60K doing the house up and the monthly bills, gas, electric, council tax, furnished the entire house whilst my STBX only paid the mortgage and home insurance. No surprise the money ran out. When i orginally said i would buy the entire property my STBX was against it as he said the CSA would hammer him!!!!
The real problems began when for the first time in our relationship i was able to make decisions for myself and if i wanted something i wouldnt have to go begging to him for it, he didnt take too kindly to my new found confidence and he certainly wasnt pleased when i brought myself my first ever car and didnt buy him one, although it was fine when i was buying his clothes and jewellery. As a result, our relationship started to break down..or at least i finally woke up to how blind i'd been.

Now i've filed for divorce and he's making my life HELL. He wants the house sold, he's refusing to move out even though he's hardly ever here, he's convinced my eldest son to move with him as he's told my son this is all my fault and im tearing the family apart.
It's a modern day War of The Roses. I havent got strong enough grounds to get an injunction although he's the master of subtle intimidation. I spend my time in my bedroom, though whilst this is going on it's no longer a home, it's like a shell.

I dont want anything from him other than to pay maintainance for his youngest child and a Clean Break. I put my entire inheritence into this house and dont want to lose it.
How can someone who's paid approx £25K towards the mortgage and NOTHING else compared to over £250K which i put in be expecting the house to be sold and get at least £50K (which he's after).
The house is now worth £300K with £160K outstanding.
He's basically a parasite.
Does what i've put in get taken into account???
Sorry if i've rambled on...i've tried to keep it short too :o(

hi rose! well i can relate to your situation a little as i paid for all large purchases during my marriage and when he walked out on us demanded this and demanded that, wanted money out the house etc etc. i ended up losing everything anyway but hey ive still got my beautiful kids! i cant answer your questions from a legal perspective but you will get replies later from those in the know...good luck and stay strong xx

Thank You Flower.

In the most part im hanging in there as i decided he's controlled enough of my life, im taking ME back :o)
I'm not giving up without a fight and for the first time in years i'm standing up for myself. The only thing i want to lose is him, the rest i guess is in the hands of the court.

Hi Rose

Welcome to wiki and I know you will get as much from being on here as we all have (well me - speaking personally)

I am sorry I cannot offer you advice - but I just wanted to say that I feel for you.

The Divorce Lawyer does an open surgery every night - and might be abel to give you some good advice.

If a moral rights court were to play - in so many cases it would be a different story, but sadly it is not.

good luck and welcome again

Jolly

Hi Rose

Welcome to wiki and I know you will get as much from being on here as we all have (well me - speaking personally)

I am sorry I cannot offer you advice - but I just wanted to say that I feel for you.

The Divorce Lawyer does an open surgery every night - and might be abel to give you some good advice.

If a moral rights court were to play - in so many cases it would be a different story, but sadly it is not.

good luck and welcome again

Jolly

Hi Rose

Just wanted to say welcome and glad you finally decided to join. There is lots of advice and support available here - in chat or in forum (or both).

If it makes you feel better to get it out ther, try blogging.

As for your financial situation, there are too many individual factors to take into account to give blanket advice. So I would visit legal surgery if I were you (if you haven't already) and get some advice that relates specifically to your situation.

Hope to see you in chat

Shezi

Hi there

If you want financial advice, read this:

www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Divorce-Forum/...G-IN-THIS-FORUM.html

and post that info...peeps can then do sums for you hun.

Amanda