Scottish Law

Get legal advice - his pension could be worth quite a bit.

Hi Biffy

Welcome to wiki

I can't advise as to the financial or legal side but i can sympathise with and understand what you are going through emotionaly.

I discovered my stbx's affair in September last year and i can honestly say it broke me at the time. Like you i thought that after 17 years together what we had together was special, that i could trust him totaly and that he would never do anything to hurt me. He always said "i was his best friend and that he loved me to bits".

I was wrong.

I wanted him back even though he was still seeing his 18 year old trophy, I could not see a life without him. I did seriously contemplate suicide, the only thing stopping me was that i couldn't think how to do it without my son finding me.

But that was then, now i realise that it wasn't him i wanted, it was my old life, the security, the friendship and companionship. I'm now alot happier than i ever thought i would be, i never thought i'd be happy again. I don't want him anymore, i could never trust him again, he isn't the man i married, i don't want him in my life at all but with a son and business together that's impossible.

You obviously love your husband very much but unfortunately love isn't always enough. We cannot make people want to be with us no matter how hard we wish for it or how much it hurts.

This website is a lifeline for many people, including me. Here you will get legal and financial advise but most importantly emotional support from people who know what you are going through.

Dawn

Biffy,

It appears that the biggest matrimonial asset here may be the army pension to which you are entitled a fair share. Your Xs offer suggests he is aware of this and IMHO is trying to deny you your right to a fair share of this pension.

You have a right to disclosure of the finer details of this pension. If no solicitors are involved yet, send him a recorded delivery request for full disclosure and keep a copy. Much cheaper than using a solicitor and less antagonistic if you want to keep things amicable.

Elle x

PS....even less antagonistic....explain
to him that until you are furbished with pension details....from pension provider and not him.... you are not in a position to make any decision