I should despise her but I can't

So sorry to hear that, it does get better but it will take time...

I felt it hard going through wedding photos, personal stuff and knowing that we will never be friends again...

I found that very hard indeed, for me I took marriage very seriously and I could not get my head around; that we will never be friends again...

I found that very sad indeed and it will take time to heal...

I have always had this belief, that if a relationship does not work; you still look out for one another and help each other to achieve that...

But they do say Love is the best feeling in the world and the worst when it is going wrong...

Life is about making mistakes and learning from them, which is life experience and that is what makes us all...

If you truly love someone, you look out for them and let them move on; that is what love is about...

What do I know, I am an old fashion girl at heart....

Thanks again, NoRegrets. Virtually all friends have been those of me and my wife, either through being neighbours or via children. And they have been supportive. I've done a lot of talking to them in the past week, and will take your advice about making the most of continuing opportunities.

Green Dancer, you sound like such a lovely person. Your comment about if you truly love someone, you look out for them was so kind. I've heard some stories about the man my wife is with. I can't trust what I've heard and have tried to rise above it, but the comments have inevitably influenced me and also made me concerned for my wifes wellbeing. I've dropped a couple of hints when speaking to her, just expressing concern that she take care, and they've obviously gone over her head. I'll be just as upset if something happens to her. The risk just adds to my pain now.

Hi Downtime,

Welcome to wiki. You are in a similar situation to the one I was in 18 months ago. Ex left the day he told me about his affair and he set up home with his gf. Like you I did what was best for my son who is now 14. It has been a very emotional and difficult time but I have come through it and feel I have survived. You will too. It is very early days and you will go through so many emotions along the way but know that what you are doing is the best you can for your children.

Poppie x

Hi Downtime, so sorry to hear your story, almost a mirror image of me 18 months ago, it`s far far too early to be thinking about the future, how you feel about her etc. I spent the first 3 months trying to salvage as much " normality" as i could for the kids and my ex let me, it is this period of acceptance and adjustment that will shape your way forward , believe me.
Six weeks after we split we still went on a family holiday together, what an arse i was to even consider it!! it woke me up though, i was concerned for her well being and found it hard to hate her, don`t worry about that , if you have cared for this person and looked out for her for so long then you can`t just stop overnight.
When i finally accepted that this woman i had loved for most of my life didn`t care if i lived or died then i settled quickly into a way of life without her, funny reall because after all this time i have turned down numerous advances from her ( attempts to regain some control i presume )and have had to tell her to stop calling me about petty incidents and digging to find out what i am doing with my life , it still hurts like hell is confusing at times but you have to be honest with yourself and know that there is no way back, or at least that`s what i did, you will look back someday and wonder why you did some of the things you did but as long as you did the best you could for you kids then you will not beat yourself up. Stay strong, try to function and stay well for now , do things to improve your health and well being to start with and believe me the rest will fall into place, take care and good luck

I can see why you are worried, because even though your wife has meet this guy, you just want to make sure that she is ok..

Have you spoken to wife, about going to Relate, to find out why your marriage has broken down...

It is worth a go, even if she still decides to move on; it will make it easier to understand what has happened...

The love of my life, realised that he was guy; it was so hard to let him go... I have never loved anyone; like I had loved him, but I know that I had to let him go..

It took my years getting over him, but we are still the best of friends and I could not imagine life without him being part of it..

Even though how much it hurt me, I am glad that I felt that strong love and it is better to have loved than never loved at all..

All, I am absolutely ovewhelmed. I wrote my story here and the support I've felt from all your replies has far exceeded my expectations. Although I've spoken to friends about my situation, very few have personal experience and it makes such a difference hearing from you guys who have actually had to live it. Anyone reading this and unsure of whether to introduce themselves with their story, my advice is to do it!

I'll think about Relate, Green Dancer. I was sceptical about Wikivorce - how wrong I was. Maybe it would be the same with Relate.

Poppie, you're right its early days. Glad you feel you've survived and I hope your son is OK and has gained from your strength.

Learningfast, your words were very helpful. The holiday sounded like a bad idea - I've just cancelled our skiing at Easter, no way was that going to match the pleasure I've enjoyed from previous family holidays. And you're right about looking after myself - I've lost half a stone this week.

Thanks again, all

Our situations sound very similar except i`m further down the road than you , i`ve never been healthier i have my dignity and self respect and the respect of my children, keep in touch and although you have some rocky days ahead don`t beat yourself over it, you will be ok again and i can tell you that although i felt worse than at any other time in my life during the last 18 months i have , ironically, had some of the most elating times too, this site is fantastic because you are talking with people who feel the same way as you
keep your spirits up and learn to put yourself and the kids first