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Trying to be strong
03 Feb 09 #85652
by Kimmi
Topic started by Kimmi
Well this is the third time I've sat and tried to write 'about me'...
I'm not sure I even know who 'me' is anymore.
Some of you I already know through the 'chat' and I'm grateful to all of you who have made me feel welcome. THANK YOU XX
We'll start with the easy stuff, my name is Kim, I'm 33 years old and have just started divorce proceedings against my husband. We met when I was 18 and married when I was 20.
The past couple of years have been pretty bad for me. My father passed away in March 2007, I've got to be honest and say that I think some of the marriage breaking down was due to my husband not understanding my grief. I looked after my dad for the last few years of his life and spent most nearly every weekend doing a 200 mile round trip to make sure that he was ok.
I'm pretty sure that it was during that time that my husband started having affairs, but I can't prove that, I can only go on his attitude.
In March of last year I sat down with him to ask him if we were ok, it all went down hill from there. He has always liked a drink and it got worse. The shouting and anger started, and then the worst night of my life to date happened.
I tried to sort things out with him (even after his behaviour) and I just couldn't reach him. I started leaving the house when he was drinking and I went to stay with friends as I couldn't take the anger when he was drunk.
I went to see the domestic violence people in December and the Solicitor there told me that the best thing I could do was leave the home for my own safety. So after another night of anger and shouting I packed some stuff and moved into my friends house. I later found out I could have done something to get him out, but I was desperate to stop feeling so scared in my own home.
I've been at my friends for almost three months now and I've finally found a small studio flat to rent, but my husband is convinced that I will be able to continue to pay the mortgage and the credit cards that are in his name.
He recently had a pay rise and I've also found evidence of an account with several thousand pounds in it that i didn't know about and he's pleading poverty. He even went so far as to draft a 'financial agreement' for us to sign. He went crazy when I said I was going to show it to my Solicitor first. She read it and laughed. He's desperate to make 50/50 more like 70/30 in his favour.
Just before Christmas I started divorce proceedings based on his adultery (his relationship since we seperated) and he refused to sign draft petition saying it would be wrong of him to admit to something that he hasn't done, but that he would agree to me divorcing him on the grounds of adultery!!!! (makes no sense to me either).
The funny thing is in January I walked into our local pub to find him on a date with a woman that wasn't the one he left me for. And he's still denying that he's been adulterous.
He's now going through the mind games stage and he refuses to give up his contact with my family and I finally gathered the courage on Saturday to tell him to stop asking my family what I was doing and where I was living and what my plans were and that if he wanted to know, he should ask me. Got to admit, it was very empowering if not a bit scary.
So now I'm trying to pull my life back together as having everything of mine spread over 3 different houses (my friends, my sisters and some stuff at the FMH) is becoming something of a problem, and the 250 odd miles I'm driving a week just to be able to see my dog (currently residing at my sisters) and to find paperwork/belongings I need is very tiring. I leave work at 5pm and I'm not getting 'home' until 9pm-10pm every evening.
So there you have it... my story as briefly as I can put it. Things are very confused in my head and I just want him to leave me alone and I don't want any contact with him as each time I do, he tries to scare me and bully me into agreeing with him and his plans.
I don't really know what else to put, or even if I should be boring you all with my problems (some of you are in a much worse situation than me) but hey, it says introduce yourself and tell us about your situation!! Job done I think.
Keeping my chin up as much as I can, but I keep falling over because I'm not watching the pavement.
xx
I'm not sure I even know who 'me' is anymore.
Some of you I already know through the 'chat' and I'm grateful to all of you who have made me feel welcome. THANK YOU XX
We'll start with the easy stuff, my name is Kim, I'm 33 years old and have just started divorce proceedings against my husband. We met when I was 18 and married when I was 20.
The past couple of years have been pretty bad for me. My father passed away in March 2007, I've got to be honest and say that I think some of the marriage breaking down was due to my husband not understanding my grief. I looked after my dad for the last few years of his life and spent most nearly every weekend doing a 200 mile round trip to make sure that he was ok.
I'm pretty sure that it was during that time that my husband started having affairs, but I can't prove that, I can only go on his attitude.
In March of last year I sat down with him to ask him if we were ok, it all went down hill from there. He has always liked a drink and it got worse. The shouting and anger started, and then the worst night of my life to date happened.
I tried to sort things out with him (even after his behaviour) and I just couldn't reach him. I started leaving the house when he was drinking and I went to stay with friends as I couldn't take the anger when he was drunk.
I went to see the domestic violence people in December and the Solicitor there told me that the best thing I could do was leave the home for my own safety. So after another night of anger and shouting I packed some stuff and moved into my friends house. I later found out I could have done something to get him out, but I was desperate to stop feeling so scared in my own home.
I've been at my friends for almost three months now and I've finally found a small studio flat to rent, but my husband is convinced that I will be able to continue to pay the mortgage and the credit cards that are in his name.
He recently had a pay rise and I've also found evidence of an account with several thousand pounds in it that i didn't know about and he's pleading poverty. He even went so far as to draft a 'financial agreement' for us to sign. He went crazy when I said I was going to show it to my Solicitor first. She read it and laughed. He's desperate to make 50/50 more like 70/30 in his favour.
Just before Christmas I started divorce proceedings based on his adultery (his relationship since we seperated) and he refused to sign draft petition saying it would be wrong of him to admit to something that he hasn't done, but that he would agree to me divorcing him on the grounds of adultery!!!! (makes no sense to me either).
The funny thing is in January I walked into our local pub to find him on a date with a woman that wasn't the one he left me for. And he's still denying that he's been adulterous.
He's now going through the mind games stage and he refuses to give up his contact with my family and I finally gathered the courage on Saturday to tell him to stop asking my family what I was doing and where I was living and what my plans were and that if he wanted to know, he should ask me. Got to admit, it was very empowering if not a bit scary.
So now I'm trying to pull my life back together as having everything of mine spread over 3 different houses (my friends, my sisters and some stuff at the FMH) is becoming something of a problem, and the 250 odd miles I'm driving a week just to be able to see my dog (currently residing at my sisters) and to find paperwork/belongings I need is very tiring. I leave work at 5pm and I'm not getting 'home' until 9pm-10pm every evening.
So there you have it... my story as briefly as I can put it. Things are very confused in my head and I just want him to leave me alone and I don't want any contact with him as each time I do, he tries to scare me and bully me into agreeing with him and his plans.
I don't really know what else to put, or even if I should be boring you all with my problems (some of you are in a much worse situation than me) but hey, it says introduce yourself and tell us about your situation!! Job done I think.
Keeping my chin up as much as I can, but I keep falling over because I'm not watching the pavement.
xx
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