Not sure if I'm in the right place.. But...

Well, I've really done it now... My paranoia has taken hold and taken the last hit against my already fragile relationship.

My STBX has been in pretty regular contact with one of her friends on WoW - He's been her crutch really, he's in one of the caring professions and they've been texting / calling each other a few times and talking online nearly every day - He lives in Scotland.

Yesterday, whilst I was at work she called me to say that she would be going away for a long weekend with some of her friends to the same town in Scotland where he lives as a birthday present to herself.

It was a kick in the teeth... It nearly destroyed me - But I tried to pull myself togeher and be the bigger man... I even offered to take hew to the station, and give her some spending money as a birthday present - What's that you say?

Good dog to stinking pussy in two days? - Is that a record?

Anywho - We went to bed last night after a particularly good evening, some of my confidence had returned and we were laughing and joking. In bed I made an innapropriate suggestion (fuelled by a mis-reading of some earlier signs and a couple of glasses of red wine) So the sofa became my friend for an hour - Then I logged onto her Facebook account to have a look at her Warcraft guild's page (and the page from this Scottish chap) - Not to check for details of this meeting - But to actually see if it existed at all.

I didn't really get very far, I just noticed that she'd changed her marital status to 'it's complicated' (Which of course it is) - I flew into a rage, I know how that nutter who killed his ex for changing her profile to 'single' felt (only not.. quite.. ok?)

So I logged onto WoW as her, and immediately, the Scottish fellow started talking to me - And I played 'her' part... Leading him and asking questions about the sort of thing that we would get up to... Of course my fears were confirmed - I unfolded that he didn't have a girlfriend, there was only the two of them going to be there - And a sexualy relationship was the order of the day.

If I was furious before - I don't know the word for how I felt then... I called him on her phone and he answered immediately - Telling me that he knew it was me, he had been telling me what I wanted to hear and that it was none of my business what, if anything, was going on.

I couldn't understand what was going on - I didn't know what was lies and what was truth... I woke her up and virtually dragged her downstairs to confront her with the conversation - She was stunned and didn't know why he'd said these things...

She laid into me about the betrayal of trust again and how things could never be the same between us again - I had 'done it' this time...

She's right of course, I can never seem to leave well enough alone - I think it's how my depression displays itself, I have a 'need' to prove my paranoia is truth...

I cracked and got lost inside my own had for a while - The two slices from the breadknife on my forearm are testament to that.

Give my wife her due, she still cares enough about me to stop me hurting myself - If only I did...

I guess that this is 'Game Over'

Sorry to have bothered you guys - Thanks for your help.

Whatever you do today, make sure that you don't give her a chance to get you arrested and removed from your house. Hope you stay calm

Hey Low,

Change the name man, it's too negative! .

I understand why you went looking, I used to do the same thing. Guess who it hurts the most?. YOU. Try not to do that again, for your own sake. Go with your gut feeling, it will usually be right. I have allsorts of suspicions about my W but I aint bothering to confirm them, wouldn't amke any difference anyway, you can't undo the past.

The rage, the 'you've done it now', they are all a symptoms of guilt wrapped up in anger. You have exposed her little secret, of course she is going to be angry. The anger aint your enemy, the affair is. Honestly, you must NOT believe a word she says, good or bad. She will be very mixed up and emotional and not thinking straight. The only thing on her mind will be how she can get you to calm down and then how she can carry on with her affair.

Think of it this way, she saw you betraying her trust. Why should you trust her? You didn't go invading privacy, you went exposing secrecy. Funny how it's all your fault that she has been lying huh?

Don't beat yourself up about it, all you've done is try and protect your marriage, an honourable thing. She will calm down, then you MAY be able to talk rationally about things.

Come on Low, stop it with the bread knife, or is your real name warburton?

Take Care

Hi

Sorry you are feeling so bad at the moment.

It never ceases to amaze me how the guilty party manages to turn things round to move the guilt onto the other person. I can relate a little bit to how you are feeling.

Very long story short, I had my suspicions for a while that my partner was cheating on me. He left at the beginning of December but came back for xmas for the children and not to spoil their xmas day. Anyway on xmas eve he went out, came back at 3am drunk as a skunk. He slept in the spare room, but in the morning I went in and his phone was open and unlocked. Funny how he wanted me to trust him more, but he had a pin on his phone that I wasn't allowed to know.

As he was still out of it, I saw the opportunity and rightly or wrongly checked his txts and yes, my suspicions were confirmed. There were loads of intimate txts from a chinese girl. So I confronted him, and to begin with he kept denying it until I said I would phone her, then he went beserk.

I will never forget the comment he made to me "You stupid ****ing cow have you been checking my phone?, if you think I am ever coming back to you now you can think again". Talk about ego! Like he really had a choice from that point on!

Thing is he wasn't making that comment about being found out as a complete liar and cheat, he was making it because I had checked his phone. He was just trying to move his guilt on to me - unsuccessfully I might add.

It hurt(s) like hell knowing he has someone else, but do you know what? It doesn't hurt half as much as the endless doubt and suspicion that eats away at you constantly. I don't regret what I did. In fact I'm glad I did because now I know the truth and that is what counts most.

Please don't inflict any more injuries on yourself. Think of your children, they must sense something is wrong and will need you more than ever. You have to be strong for them and for your own sanity.

There is a lot for you to sort out, not only with your relationship but your finances as well. You will receive great support from this website, keep coming back!
Good Luck

Bev x