Hello

Hi just thought i would introduce myself. My partner left me just a few days before my wedding, he later returned saying he had cold feet and the marriage went ahead. Only 4 days after the wedding i discovered that he had been having an affair with someone he met on his stag night, he then left again and returned several times before finally leaving 8 weeks later.

I filed for divorce on the grounds of his adultery, after my solicitor setting up an account and taking all of the spare money i had i found out that i could not divorce him because of the one year rule!!!

He is now divorcing me on the grounds of my unreasonable behaviour!!! this is something that i have regretably had to accept as i did not have enough money to make a cross petitioner and on advice from a 30min appointment with solicitor realised that there was little point in doing this. I know what he did and so does he, does it really matter what is on the paper as long as i am free from him.

He went to live with her and her two children when he left January 2007. We then attended mediation. Once he realised that he would have to disclose her financial situation and assets the mediation stopped, that was August 2008.

I have now exchange a copy of his financial statement, which clearly shows that he is now renting a room. He is still living with her and renting the room is just a post box for him so that he does not have to disclose her financial assets. What is even more frustrating is that he is claiming housing benefit for this property. They are still together and he is always at her house, he claims incapacity benefit due to depression caused by my unreasonable behaviour....

I have continued to work and pay the mortgage on our property, i have 2 children from a previous marriage who lived with us for 9 years prior to him leaving. He is asking for a lump sum Clean Break i am now worried sick that i am going to find myself homeless, equity in the house will not be enough to provide me with enough money to re-buy somewhere, i could not even afford private rent. The property is a small 3 bed end of terrace, i have a boy and a girl. I can just manage to live and provide for the children, i have enquired whether i can go on a local authority housing register but cannot go on the register until i am homeless and they would not consider me for the register if i make myself homeless.

So much going through my mind as the moment i think my head is going to explode and to top it all i am representing myself because i am working and earning i cannot get legal aid...

Sorry for waffling on!

Any advise or help anyone can give me i would appreciate it.

Thanks

Hello Polly,

How long did you live togther for before the wedding?

On what basis your stbx and his g/f live togther is not as important as the question of whether they act as a 'household'. In other words, if you can provide evidence that they do all the things a married/cohabiting couple ordinarily do then whether he is renting or not the court will accept that they are cohabiting.

He can ask for whatever he likes, you can't stop that but if you think it unreasonable just write and tell him so.

Try and do as much as you can without involving a solicitor, especially if it's just recriminations, as the costs will spiral out of control. People on this site will help you - some of us have been through similar situations.

I would agree with your solictor's advice, don't defend or cross petition - unless you have loads of money!

YA

Hi

thanks so much for the rapid reply.

I lived with him since December 1998.

How do i prove that they act as a household, without the expense of a PI?

Cheers

Hi Polly,

So the court will view thetwo of you having lived together from Dec 1998 to Jan 2007 - ie not a short marriage.

If you know where they live you could see if he's on the electoral role there with her (it suggests permanence) and try to find out what they do together. Difficult I know, but can't think of anything else to suggest.

YA

Thanks I suppose he will now be keeping a low profile i.e trying not to be seen with her... he could also say to the court that he was with her but now they have split up... The madness in all this is that i am really not interested in having a share of her assets, but just want the court to see that he is cohabiting and that his housing needs are met, all i want to do is remain in the home until the children are no longer dependant.

Thanks so much