Am i doing the right thing??

Hello every one, this is my first posted question, have been looking at the site for months and just plucked up the courage to post some thing, I would like some opinions on my situation? My wife and I have a 3 year old son and we split last May, (x’s decision)we luckily sold the family home and my x and son now live in a new two bed flat, quiet nice place. My X is a school teacher and works two days a week while my son is in child care, any way I agreed to walk away with nothing giving her all the equity in the house 73K and all the marital possessions, I moved back to my parents, I have also agreed to support her and my son until sep 2010 when he will be in full time school and X can work more hours, to the sum of 33% of my nert, any way two months before xmas we sort of got back together, I stayed living at my parents, well this lasted until xmas and all when pair shaped again, with in 4 weeks she has a new man, says just friend but I think not, he is there most of the time when I pick/drop my son off and it really hurts like nothing I have ever felt, my sympathy goes out to all of you with this feeling. I am in turmoil if to reduce the money to CSA level as I feel I am being taken for a ride but I also want to do the right thing by them, I can not afford to get my own place until I reduce the money, help what should I do. NB, this is my second divorce so I know how bad it can get. Any thoughts any one???

By my maths, if I follow your story correctly she has been with the new man for no more than 2 weeks. It may be a bit hasty to conclude that this is a permanent relationship. However, if this one isn't the real deal, there will probably be another one in due course.

Presumably, you agreed to pay child support at a certain rate because you believe that you owe your son at a certain level. I don't see the connection between your ex's love life and the amount you believe your son needs.

If on the other hand you agreed an amount which you can't afford and this has nothing to do with your ex's love life, then you need to let her know, and agree a reduced payment.

In short, I think that the only mistake you are making is to link child support payments to the behaviour of your ex.

Hi,
It is not entirely unusual for the ex, if still residing in the matrimonial home, to invite the new bf/gf to move in, eventually.
There are many on here that will confirm this.

You sound a reasonable person, so perhaps give this a little more time. Once you are absolutely certain that this is indeed the case you can then re-evaluate the situation.

I see no reason for the money that is due to go to your child, being put to use in providing hot bath water for the new bf.

You might then consider reducing the maintenance payments in line with the CSA recommended amount. You could, then put the difference in what you pay now, to what the CSA levels are into a saving account for your child. You will then be able to provide items for your child at a later date as and when you wish.

I would for now just monitor the situation.

good luck

zara