Do I have to do anything?

Hello, I have just joined after reading about this site in a magazine.
I hope it will give me strength, support and advice - and friends in the same situation would be a real bonus.
My husband was in a highly respectable job and committed sdultery, he left me and the 2 children last year and the other woman finally left her family and moved in with him 4 months later.
Having lost job, marriage, children and career, he has turned into an unrecognisably selfish person.
He wants to push me into a divorce and claim half of my house that he has never paid a penny for.
My question is do I have to do anything about divorce. I want to divorce him when I am ready, not go through all this trauma alone and hand over a load of money to him to skip off into the sunset after the nightmare the children and I have been through. And arguing over money and house would be another stressful time.
He keeps going on about mediation and divorce, but I thought if one disagrees you cannot go ahead with divorce within 2 years, is that right?
Goingforward (very slowly!!)

You have to wait 2 years if you want a divorce on the grounds that you have been living separately and both spouses consent to this.

Or you can divorce in 5 years after separation, without consent.

Or either of you can divorce the other now on the grounds of either adultery or unreasonable behaviour.

If your ex wants to petition you for divorce, then divorce is inevitable. If you petition for divorce you get to control things a little bit.

You can read about what happens(can happen) to the marital home here:

www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Divorce-Forum/...he-Marital-Home.html

Either party can Petition for divorce; and if you don't do it; then he can do it on your Unreasonable Behaviour (even if it's all lies, he can make up whatever nonsense he wants, and it's up to a judge to accept it. You would have the right to accept his application, whilst disagreeing with his allegations).

It becomes futile,pointless and expensive if you were not to respond; or not accept. The mere fact that one of the parties has left the marriage; means the judge will assume the marriage over.

Blame has no bearing on a Financial settlement, and if you are the parent with care; it's likely that you keep the house until the kids finish full-time education.

I understand that you may not want the reality of Divorce, and once you're in the process - it can become a nightmare (I call this Divorce Hell).

But the flip side is that if your ex is not considering your needs; and has become a pig-headed beast that was not the man you married: Our experience shows that the sooner the inevitable is dealt with: the quicker you can move on. (Even if that just means you can reside in your home knowing that he can't threaten to take it away).

thankyou
two things.
There are no grounds for unreasonable behaviour on my part, its all been his - hence he had to leave his job etc. I would have continued working at the marriage, so can he just steam roller me? specially when I dont want to divorce yet.
Secondly we dont live in my house, its rented out so theres no question of staying there, my house is in the wrong place, I have to rent a house.
is there nothing I can do if I dont agree with a divorce yet and want to do it when I am ready?
Will I have to go to a solicitor to delay it, otherwise he just gets everything his way and once again I have no control

Can he steam roller you? Yes he can! (It's happened to me along with many wiki users).

It doesn't matter that there was nothing that you did wrong, if one party petitions because they want out of the marriage; (usually in a rush to be elswhere) then they usually put in an application with a few lame sentences.

If there are no valid reasons (like with my ex) they change it all to "I feel" and you cannot deny how they feel.

So for instance, supposing he came up with three lame paragraphs that say: "My wife ignored me"... when you deny that: the Petition would be re-written to "I feel that my wife ignored me" and you can't deny how he feels.

There are threads and threads and hundreds of posts on this forum from similar jilted users in disbelief. Your wedding vows, and your dedication to the marriage stand for jack in Divorce court. (It makes you question what marriage actually means).

The judge in our case simply said: "The Respondent wife refuses to accept the marriage over"

There is practically a no blame system in the UK.

When the financial issues do get sorted; (once there is a Petition in) you'd be expected to use the assets of the house to address your housing need, even if that meant you retain a larger percentage to sell up and provide a home for you and the kids.

Your ex's case may be strengthened if you are not living in that home. Most divorcing people argue their 'need' for the MH to accomodate the children, if you don't occupy it, your needs may be considered to be met with the rental property.

If your home is left empty; then a court could suggest you get Rental income on it; which would reduce a claim for spousal support.

Either way - all assets go in to a 'pot' and the two of you have to negotiate how they are apportioned, or if it becomes an embittered court case, (because he insists on half) then that could cost up to £60,000 in legal fees.

If youu don't want HIM in control; then YOU Petition him, if he does not accept Adultery; you can go for unreasonable behaviour. It is quite unreasonable that he has formed an inproper relationship, that he has left home.

Because of the sluump in the market; and since you brought the house; this may be a better time for you to divorce. Also: the younger the children - the better your claim. If you waituntil the kids are older, your needs reduce, and his claiim may be bigger if the housing market picks up.