newbie

My husband informed me before xmas that he was going to leave. i was very unhappy during the previous year because of the way he treated me so in a way it was a relief.

he has now moved some of his belongings out and rented himself a house . he also told me he has had an affair and is still seeing her. this is not the first time either but i took him back before.

i am staying in the house and he says he will continue to pay the mortgate and bills for now. i feel very annoyed as i spent 17 years helping us to build our lives and he just runs away because he has decided the grass is greener and he wants to relive his youth!!!!

i do not want him back, the pressure is gone, dont have to worry what i say or do, dont have to tiptoe around, so why i do wake up every day with anxiety? anybody help?

thank you. it is good to have found this site with people in the same position and can offer support. i dont have anyone near to me to talk to.

welcome to wiki angie:)

You are in the early stages of grieving for your loss, los of the past, loss of the future the way you thought things would be.

Us humans do not cope well with change, intially, but i promise you things do get so much better.

You can now do the things YOU want to, so try and find little things to occupy you that you used to enjoy and stopped while with him, or find new things that you wanted to try but couldnt.

You will find that you are stonger than you think, your more capable than you ever thought you could be.

Pop in to the chat room, have a rant get it off your chest, we all understand how you feel, tho many of us are now on the road to recovery.

Your in a good place,

Mish

xx

thanx mish.

These men are so cliched, aren't they!

Been with my ex for 31 years. He was vile to me during the last year we were together (his version: I was horrible to him). When he agreed to a separation I was relieved and it was a horrible shock when he moved out to be with younger woman and her 2 small children, leaving me with two angry and confused teenagers.

He's paying the mortgage but I would love to move to a place of my own. Not the right time to sell though.

It will get better. It can be scary on your own, but it can also be liberating. Concentrate on how great it is not to have to tiptoe around someone else's moods, to watch what you want, be answerable to no one.

Plan a good thing to do every week so there's always something to look forward to and accept every invitation even if you don't feel like it.

thank you for sound advice. for the last year it has been terrible and i was made to feel i am to blame.
it is good not to worry about moods,tiptoeing around,watching what i say etc.
realise i was so stressed and feeling tired and ill all the time due to unhappiness of situation. hopefully will feel much better and get some self esteem back.
at the moment i am going with the flow. if i fancy watching tv i will. if i fancy coming on here i will. if i fancy doing nothing i will. if i want to clean and tidy the house i will.
please keep up all the good support that is going on here.so glad i found you all.

That's the idea. It took me a while to stop the habit of "I'd better do this/not do this" because of ex's reaction and then deciding I didn't have to answer to him any more.

I also remember going on a course at work on dealing with change. Everyone had to fill in a chart showing how they felt before the change, during the change and afterwards. The worst feelings were before the change and afterwards everyone felt better. The changes could be getting divorced, being made redundant, having a baby etc. It showed that humans fear change, we feel secure with what we know. That's why so many people stay in unhappy marriages and we have the saying "better the devil you know".

But the world is full of change and uncertainty. All we can do is be true to ourselves and live our lives the best we can.