Will things get better?

Hi everyone. I came across this site yesterday after realising I have to 'pull myself together' and do something practical about my situation. My husband of over 22 years left at the beginning of September 2008 to live with a woman 10 years younger than me and her 3 children. We also have 3 children, 21, 16 and 13. He has never been unfaithful or cheated before and I trusted him with my life. He said they didn't intend to have an affair but he's madly in love and life's too short! Thanks I replied!I have been in a very dark place and if it wasn't for my children, family, friends and work I don't know how I would have gone on. But here I am, sufacing every now and then and feeling okay. He's been really pushy wanting 'closure'. His new woman has recently divorced and needs to buy her ex out. I hate being pushed into finacial decisions at the momenty as I don't want to be saddled with a large remortgage at my age - I also want to live a little!! I hope this site can help and guide me as, although I don't relish the thought of living alone for the rest of my life, I have lost all trust in men and can't see a way forward. Will this hurt stop? Will I learn to trust again? Will things get better?

Hi LS

Welcome to Wiki...a place noone would like to find, but loads are happy they have.

I am sorry you are going through this. It is a whole roller coaster of feelings and emotions. Everyone takes a different length of time to heal, but do not lose hope - yes it does get better.

I cannot tell you about trusting again - that is something very hard to regain after it has been shattered, but we can only hope that we come across decent enough people to start learning building up our trust in people.

You are right in not wanting to rush any decisions. Wiki offers a wealth of information and there is also a Legal Surgery in one of the chat rooms, monday to Friday- 6 to 8pm if i am not mistaken.

I hope that we will see you around on the forums and the chat rooms. you will always find someone for support..or just a shoulder to cry on.

Do not give up hope..chin up
take care
Claudette

Hi

I am new to this site myself. I didn't know about it when I was going through 'hell', but wish I had.

There are some really knowledgeable people on this site who not only can advise you re legal procedures are also extremely loving and caring.

What I can say is that, yes, the hurt does ease, but it takes time. One day you will wake up and feel great. Not only have you to cope with your ex leaving you, but you also have to cope with all the legalities etc.

My advice is to take each day as it comes, sleep as much as you want, eat as much as you can, but don't let your ex push you into hurrying anything along.

Other people will post you soon and this site will help you.

Good luck and take care and remember one day the sun will shine x

Hallo

The trouble with divorce is that usually one person wants out before the other person knows. Often its the person who has found someone else so they are loved-up and oblivious to the pain felt by the person who thought they were still happily married.

The legalities of divorce and sorting out the finances don't move at the same pace as the emotional fall-out and there's no formalities involved in the emotional mess, although it causes more distress than anything else.

My ex moved in with new woman July 2008. I went through hell, crying for weeks. Got onto anti-depressants, seeing a women's counsellor once a week, contacted all my old friends, went to a party, had days out etc. Xmas was peaceful and lovely - then wallop! Now I feel really miserable again. I've been to GP and had the anti=depressants upped, but I've found I am easily brought to tears again and although I have activities planned with several friends over the next month or so, I am feeling very flat. Instead of looking forward, its a bit like eating food with no flavour or texture.

I know that nothing lasts for ever so hoping this mood will pass before too long.

Hang on, keep the faith, keep going.

Hi and thanks for your comments. I know exactly where you are coming from. I remember sobbing my heart out on the floor and wishing I could just take my last breath to ease the pain, but I got through. My family wanted me to see my GP but I refused in the hope that just going through the feelings without 'help' would make it a shorter period of distress. I'm sure your mood will pass and you will find that the periods of sobbing and sadness will shorten and become less frequent. I have noticed this myself. I don't know yet if it ever goes away completely, but like me, you have a life to live with friends and family who will always love you and never desert you. Make sure you take up every invitation you can, even if you don't really want to. Take care of yourself. Lynn

Hi NoRegrets

You appear to be a very caring supportive person to all the members on here.

I think one day you will wake up and realise you are sooo much better off than your stbx. When my ex decided to tell me about all the 'affairs' he had had during our marriage, I was devastated, shell shocked, couldn't believe it. Ok, so he didn't leave me for one of his bits on the side, is that meant to make me feel better???? Well it didn't, it made it worse, because I had no knowledge and all I felt was severe pain that I had no idea of the man I married.

I wish he had left me for one of his 'bits on the side'. I went to counselling with him following his revelations and the counselling said to try to remember what our life was like in the beginning. Well he was s~~~~~g other women right from the beginning! Although as I said I knew nothing about it.

At first my pain was because I felt I was obviously not good enough, but then the pain was because I felt I had wasted years on him when I could have been elsewhere.

Now, no pain, just happy to be independent. Dont regret my marriage one bit anymore. Cos if I had known what a serial cheat I had married I would not have one, two, or three daughters. I could feel sorry for him now I suppose. But I dont. I don't feel anything for him, just that he had it all and now he has nothing.

Maybe when your stbx' OW leaves him, he will see what a silly silly boy he has been.

And, you know what? By that time, you won't give a monkeys about him. Believe me.