ruining my life

hi,
i am currently going through a bad divorce, things are a bit complicated as i am british and i am married to a bulgarian, we where married 8 years ago, and have a 6 year old son, he was born in england but we live in spain, and have done for 6 years, i did not want a divorce, and tryed everything to make her see we need to try to save our marriege, she went on holiday for a break to bulgaria and left me with our son and my stepson, she did not return for 10 weeks, then dropped a bombshell that she had paid a deposit on a house in bulgaria and wanted the rest of the money to buy the house, and that she was moving to bulgaria, eventualy after realising there was no stopping her we agreed on how to divide the assets, i thought i was being fair when we agreed that i would pay her 30.000 euros and she would keep the other property we owned in bulgaria, i would be left with the house in spain which has a big mortgage, and would take over the payments of the car, she then moved to bulgaria and bought the other house she had paid the deposit on, i stayed in spain with our son, and my stepson moved to bulgaria, we where supposed to share the custody of our son, but after taking advise from the embassy and other experts, i tryed talking to my wife that it realy was not in my sons interest to have him living in bulgaria, also my stepsons father visited his son in bulgaria, and told me that the house she has bought is not fit to live in, it has no running water, and no toilet, and is in the mountains, 20 klms from the nearest village, 2 klm of this is a dirt trak leading up the mountain, which is impasible in snow, so if there was ever anyone ill there would be no way out.
she returned, another reason for not letteng my son move to bulgaria is that my wife split from her ex when there son was 2 he is now 13, his dad lives in america, and in 11 years she has never allowed him to visit his dad, and has made it realy diffacult for him to visit here, for no reason what so ever, his father is a decent respectable person, and i know she will do this to me.
well after 4 months in bulgaria, she returned and went to the police and said that i had an arguement with her, and had me arrested, luckily i went to court and was cleared, but now she is living in my house, she has even brought her boyfriend over, and he has been driving my car, and now her mother has come over from bulgaria too and is living in my house, i am paying the mortgage of 700 a month and 600 month rent for myself, i have been paying this off my savings which are now almost gone, i used to own a house in the uk but sold this to help buy the house here, so i am now left with nothing, but she now has 2 houses in bulgaria, paid for no mortgage, and is living in the house in spain, when we met she had nothing, and was very poor, she is upsetting my son by being diffacult, he is realy close to me, as i was the one that spent most of the time with him, always me that took him to the park, or the beach etc, and he does not understand why i dont live in the house anymore. she has done a lot more that i dont have the time to go into at the moment, she has promised to ruin my life, she says if i agree to let my son move to bulgaria, she will give me back my house, and stop ruining my life, she cant seem to see, taking my son is what is ruining my life more than anythin, and there is no way i will give up fighting for him.

Pete

You've come to the right place - there are a lot of people here who could possibly help you with advice etc.

Your story is incredibly complex, but I agree with you - your son is more important than anything else - hold on to him and fight

I'm not sure what to really say, but there must be some information within the EU to help - that said, is the house in Spain in joint names? - if so she is jointly liable for the mortgage - if it were me, I'd reduce the payment by 50% and let her know if she doesn't cough up then she'll/you'll lose the house in Spain - and she'll get nothing in the end. Also if you have custody of your son at present, sue her for child maintenance, though this is dependent on your/her income and possibly on the fact that she has assets which you don't may help your case

It's horrible what we are all going through, but hang in there, keep posting and let us know how it is going

take care

dd

hi dd,
yeh the house is in joint names, but she is not interested in paying half, as she knows realy the house is mine as i have paid her for her share, i told her it is crazy what she is doing and asked her is she that evil that she wants to leave me with nothing? she knows i cant keep up the payments on the house as well as paying rent, but she says she wants maintanance money off me, but when i told her i dont have the money at the moment as i am paying 700 a month for the mortgage, her answer is to stop paying the mortgage and give the money to her.
i am totaly at her mercy at the moment, and dont seem to be getting anywhere with the courts, she lets me see my son 3 days a week for 3 hours at a time, this might seem fine to most people, but remember untill she returned from bulgaria i had never spent a night away from my son, where in the last year she had spent over 200 days away from him, you would think this would stand for something with the courts? all our friends know i am a good dad, and are all disgusted with what she has done, i had her charged for not complying with a court order allowing me access but when she went to court she got off with it, becuase mt lawyer never turned up at court.

Pete

sorry to hear how the b*tch has treated you - yes, at present it all seems stacked against you, but don't dispair (easier said than done, I know) - the truth will out - fight it through legal channels, because it seems that she cannot be reasoned with - I saw this happening to a guy I knew some time ago - he married a 'poor' polish girl, who basically waited until she was married to him before consummating the marriage (good catholic!) and then proceeded to bleed him dry over a number of years- fight it which ever way you can.

I went onto dating sites to try and kick start my life (and have met a fantastic woman with whom I am now living), but was hit by so many Ludmilla's who looked fantastic, but in essence just wanted a way out the poverty they grew up in - I saw it when I lived in Poland teaching English - they're vicious/overtly loving at the same time - I do not allude to the fact that yours may have been so, but I'm just giving you my observations...

You must have proof of a large Ero transaction into her account - possibly you can use this as proof of keeping your word in court?!

dd

hi dd,
yeh there is proof that there was money paid, and i also have the document what i thought was giving me the house in spain, all was signed on the same day i withdrew the money from my bank.
but from what i am told the way the law works here is that she is entitled to live in the house untill our son is 18, which does not make sence, as it is impossible for me to keep up the mortgage and pay rent, so the house will be repossesed, and we all lose:( and she will have her 2 properties tucked away in bulgaria, the thing i have going for me is she does not want to be here in spain and i do, and i cant see the courts letting her take our son to bulgaria, which is a very poor country, she cannot say i am a bad dad, as she has no proof of that, actualy all the nieghbours would state that i am a very good dad, who spends a lot of time with my son. while they are witness to the fact she has abandond him on 3 ocasions in the last year, even the school knew that if she was to turn up at the school they where to phone the police, i even had to have his finger prints taken, and dna samples done, as he was high risk of abduction, this is what makes it even more hard to get my head around that she was able to come back and have me arreseted and have me removed from my house. it is just not right.
i was first put in touch with a lawyer in spain who advised me to get an order against her from seeing my son, but i did not go through with it, as i could not do this to her or my son, all i wanted was for her to see sence that taking him to live in bulgaria was not in his best interest, but never did i think she would do what she has done:( the lawyer i was put in touch with says i have a very strong case to win custody, but he wants 600 euros an hour! afraid this is impossible for me especialy as he is in the other side of the country, but as he says the local lawyer i have now is cheap but he wont have any experiance in this type of case.
if i could i would sell my house to pay for him, but cant do this as the house is in both names.

Pete

I'll try and absorb the last post, but have friends coming over for dinner - so shall mail you in the morning

ANYBODY ELSE GOT SOME WORDS IN THE MEANTIME!

dd