Hi, all new to this...

HI, am new to this - the single status and posting on forums! Have been lurking for a few months but only posting today.

My story - Husband of 11 years announced at the end of July (2 days after our anniversary!)that he was leaving me. After a lot of coaxing and probing it emerged that there was another woman. Who was 21, 16 years younger than him and me. That did a lot for my self esteem. He moved in with her 6 weeks later when I eventually kicked him out not being able to tolerate him in the same house anymore. Have no idea why he didn't move out straight away as it seems that the relationship is pretty serious. They bought a house together 3 month later and he went over to France at Christmas to meet her parents.

As has been said time and time again on here I am going through absolute emotional turmoil. The shock was enormous, as although we had been having our ups and downs I had no idea of the affair. Then the anger, which is still there and now the depression. Fun, innit?

I suppose I am posting tonight as I am feeling particularly down and see that there is a lot of support to be found here.

Sorry to hear things are so hard for you. (((u))) This site is a great safe place to scream and learn from th experiences of others. I too am in the pit that is depression right now and don't feel I can burden those around me, so this site is fab. I have no great advice, just know that you are not alone. One day at a time. Here's hoping the world seems a brighter place sometime soon. Welcome to posting and keep doing it!

xx

Hi, Thanks for posting so quickly. I know it is supposed to get better with time. But just how much time does it take?

At the moment I am finding it so hard to look after my 2 children, who are 3 and 5. Try as I might, I seem to take out the anger on them. Dad comes around 3 nights a week to put them to bed, and has them every Sunday. This is a temporary arrangement while we sort out the contact arrangements and he gets his new house set up with a room for them to stay over. I know it is good for them to see him little and often but it is certanly not good for me!

Every time I see him it just stirs up all those feelings - the love I still have for him and the anger I feel for what he has done. I get myself into such a state before he comes over in the evenings, but I tell myself that I am doing it for the children.

So far they seem OK, although there have been a few heartbreaking times when DS, who is only 3, has cried hysterically in his sleep for his dad. In fact, the first night he was gone he did this and I was really surprised as I didn't think he would really understand. Dad was occasionally away on business so it wasn't like he had never spent a night away.

Just got to take it one day at a time I suppose.

Hallo

It must be really tough as your ex is still popping in, like it used to be, but completely different.

Its much easier if you don't have to see them. I wish I'd known this earlier. I thought it would be helpful to have a gradual withdrawal, but its much better without and I get upset whenever I see or talk to my ex in our home. Seeing him at rugby match when our son is playing is quite different I suppose because other adults are around and I know he can't say anything too bonkers.

You are doing the best you can for your children. It will get better with time.

As for coping - well I am on anti-depressants and I am seeing a women's counsellor once a week. I accept all invitations I get whether I want to go or not, and I have a gang of brilliant friends who have been more supportive than i could have imagined.

It helps to focus on the future and see it as exciting rather than scary.