Separated (just about)

I have been married for nearly 18 years with 2 girls, aged 9 and 13. The last 11 of those years have been unhappy. After our first daughter was born he lost interest in us as a couple and things went gradually downhill. I confronted him 13 months ago as we hadn't had a proper relationship for 2 years. He lost his temper. He said he wasn't interested, in me or any woman. If I was bothered I should "go and get it elsewhere". He refused to go to counselling and said he would leave. I said he should think about things. At that time I was out of work. A month later I found a wonderful new job which I love and now I earn more than him. I have spent the last year waiting to be ready for him to go. I was unsure I would keep the house (we bought it when my Grandmother died, it was hers) but after looking at responses on here and knowing I can pay the mortgage I feel confident the girls and I can stay here. A few weeks ago my blood pressure was found to be high. The doctor thinks it is the situation making it high. One of my fears was that this would affect my health. I am only 43. My "husband" is 55. He already has a mild heart condition, smokes and is overweight. I need to end this as soon as possible. Living with him in the house is intolerable. He is even sleeping in the same bed! This is fine when he is on nights (4 nights off then 4 days off) but on the 4 days when he's home is hell for me. I just don't know how to say what I need to say to get him to go. Would love to hear from anyone who's in or been in a similar position. I am so unhappy.

Well done on getting a job - wish I could find one that's suitable.

I asked my ex to leave several times before he agreed - and that was only because he'd found someone else to do his washing etc.

I think you can get an order to move someone out but its very difficult. My ex slept on the sofa when he wasn't at other woman's. Your situation must be really difficult.

You may need to press on with divorce proceedings as its unlikely your husband will move out until forced to - and I think you need to be careful as sharing a bed could constitute living together.

It sounds as though he's rather depressed - not your problem, I agree, but it might be a reason he can't sort himself out. I think lots of men seem to change when they become fathers. My ex was great when the children were babies, but grew increasingly remote and stressed as they grew.

Oh my God!!!

What a nightmare, you must have the patience of a saint. Seriously though he needs to go and get counselling or get his stuff packed.
My friend had a similar situation, but she can't/won't do anything about it because she doesn't earn enough to pay the rent. He has made her life hell. They have 3 fantastic kids and it's been really awful.
I don't understand why people refuse to go when it's plainly obvious no-one else wants them around.

Thank you. I honestly don't know how I've got through the last year! Last night was hell as he was here and today it's so different as he's back at work for 4 nights.

I had been thinking today I should probably ask him if he's decided to get counselling or leave.

you will need to take a stand as it is not healthy for you to be living like that. cohabiting after separation is very hard. i did it for 8 months.

it does not allow u to move on and its like picking at a scab allll the time!!

if u think u are going to be financially ok, then start the divorce proceedings. u deserve to get ur life bac

take care
claudette