Hello and good evening.

Just found this forum following the end of my 23 year marriage. All is very amicable, but its the end.

My wife has moved on very quickly, and after just a few days is already at the start of her first new relationship thanks to the internet.

I have not moved quite so fast, but do people think that there is a "reasonable" period that should be left before starting again?

I have no intentions of diving back in yet, and I suppose that I am felling a little betrayed that she has moved on so rapidly.

I am sure that there was no preplanning on her part for this.

Hi liftman

Welcome to Wiki. Glad things are amicable for you

There is no minimum period for starting again. The danger of starting too early is that you may not be over for marriage, but this is something only you know. Some people get over it quicker than others.

Often if one half of the marriage had been unhappy for some time they have already got over the marriage and can move on quicker, and this may be the case with your wife. As to whether she pre-planned it makes little difference to the divorce as blame does not affect the settlement. My wife lied to me about her affair until I confronted her with evidence.

All the best

S

Hi

As Itgetsbetter said, if you are the one that has decided that the marriage is over, the emotional side is much easier to deal with. This is probably what has happened with your wife. She might have 'ended' the marriage in her head a while ago, thereby giving herself the emotional advantage. Having someone on the other end of the 'line' will make it even easier for her to move on.

You on the other hand will take more time to adjust.

If you can keep any divorce proceedings amicable, it will benefit the pair of you, both financially and emotionally.

Wiki is a great site for any support you may need, financial or legal.

zara

Thanks for the replies.

I feel that "we" have decided it is the end, but you may well be right, that she had made the decision in her head earlier.

I don't feel rancour for her having moved first, I am just a little surprised, thats all.

liftman

i know how you feel - must say it's been a long time since I've used the word 'rancour' - but yes, rather like my stbx, I believe that she already had it planned in her head - I don't know if she's got another man, but she (stbx) is out dating....

dd

Hallo and welcome Liftman

This site is a great help.

My ex and I had decided to end our marriage and I thought we were both in the same place, sad but sure we were making the right decision. Turns out he already had someone else.

I felt really betrayed and hurt that he had moved on after 31 years whilst I spent months grieving and going through all the emotions - anger, resentment etc, counselling, anti-depressants.
You may be surprised at how you feel later on.

NoRegrets wrote:

Hallo and welcome Liftman

This site is a great help.

My ex and I had decided to end our marriage and I thought we were both in the same place, sad but sure we were making the right decision. Turns out he already had someone else.

I felt really betrayed and hurt that he had moved on after 31 years whilst I spent months grieving and going through all the emotions - anger, resentment etc, counselling, anti-depressants.
You may be surprised at how you feel later on.

Is that surpised in a good way or a bad way?