cancer was a piece of cake

Hi
Mine is a cautionery tale it begins with the diagnosis of bowel cancer in may 07 being rushed into surgery a month later when the tumour seemed to tighten up I was vomiting and constipated for about a week surgery was a complete success and after doing as I was told radiotherapy 6 weeks and chemo 8 weeks I began recovery. During this time my best friend would come round and take me out for drives sometimes a pint if I was up to it he and my wife got me up and about and back to work. And while I was at work he kept going round to my home and seeing my wife talking to her and driving her to the shops ect. After six weeks or so she announced she no longer wanted to be with me our marriage (28 years) was a sham and that we had to split up!! After 3 weeks of arguments I finally gave in. Three weeks later we went around to my friends house (he and his wife had already said they where splitting up a month before my wife) I noticed some flirting going on and yes now they are one, divorce, family spitting up, house up for sale all imminent watch your back friends.
This is just the tip of the iceberg Im thinking of writing it up for one of those chat mags, the paranoid thoughts that turned out to be true, getting in touch with his wife and compering notes, losing sleep, weight and nearly my sanity, she going off to Wales with him when I was having a scan, sleeping pills, counciling,( still waiting for that) the childrens sense of disbelief. But hopefully Im over the worst, unless they have got something else up there sleeves. Now Im just hoping to sell the house and move out before she gos on holiday with him. She is still living with me unfortunately, she even gos round cleaning his house now that his wife has moved out she seems to think theres nothing wrong in this behaviour just because they have not slept together yet, ! I dont think it make much difference myself, still feel angry, betrayed,hurt.Ive asked her to leave but of course she refuses why should she Im still paying the bills any help would be appreciated

words fail me bil717. I sincerely hope that the medical treatment you're receiving is working - good luck.

I was talking to my sister over the weekend and resolved that there are only two important things my life - the wellbeing of my son and my health. My reasoning is that if I've got my health then I can always rebuild my life.
My wife announced to me that she wanted to leave me in mid Jan, and since then she's been out with her 'friends' at least twice a week (she's out now in fact). I'm completely paranoid that she's seeing someone else and she denies it.
Some days I think that I'm overreacting and there is no 3rd party and other days and just can't get it out of my head.

Hi Bil

What a horrible mess!!! To find out you have cancer must be the most terrifying moment, I had to be recalled in for further tests after a routine mamogram. Fortunately I was ok. But the fear and anxiety that you go through is just not easy to explain, you really have had to go through it to understand.

I am glad though that your prognosis is upbeat. And I wish you well as you slowly recover from this. A friend of ours was diagnosed with breast cancer, just a week after I had my scare.
She had treatment, lost her hair, the usual horrible things that you have to endure.

I suppose whilst going through this your wife would have supported and loved you, and taken good care of you. The realisation that she was seeing another man must have hit you even harder than finding out you had cancer. I often wonder how people can be so heartless, cold and cruel, but they can. They also do it without a second thought. They usually try and transfer the blame onto their partner, just so that they do not feel so guilty, and can justify their actions.

I dont suppose you will be back at work for a long time, does your wife work? - when she is not cleaning across the road!!


It might be a real task getting her to move out, must be comfortable for her, two homes and not having to pay a penny. Cake and Eat It springs to mind.

Have you thought about filing for divorce? Or is she going to divorce you?? I suppose it is hard for you to get to see a solicitor. You could give the number at the top of the page a call and book your free half hour advice, they will be able to help guide you as to what to do next.

How about your told your wife that you would not be paying the bills anymore. Cut off anything you can.

Until you are feeling a lot better, i dont suppose you really feel much like fighting and arguing, which is understandable.

Have you any children, or family close by that are able to support you through this.

All I can say is, some people are givers, and some are takers. Do we ever get the same combination giver/giver - taker/taker in a marriage??????

Bil you take care and get yourself well on the mend. Stay with wiki, it will be such help, especially as you are probably still having to rest.

take care
zara

It is horrible what you have had to go through. The title of your post caught my eye.
i have a close friend of mine. his wife left him a couple of years ago...two days later he was diagnored with stomach cancer.
we went through the whole operations, chemo, radiation etc..thankfully he has been in remission now for 6 months..

but that is what he always said...that the cancer was a walk in the park compared to the divorce. he says he could deal with the cancer, but the divorce just destroyed his spirit and his soul.

i wish you all the best on ur journey. divorce is a roller coaster....it hurts like hell but it does get better...

glad you found wiki...it has a wealth of information and also alot of support and great people.

good luck!!!
claudette

Hi Bil, going through cancer and coming out at the other end- you feel life is perfect, and look forward to living a good life, enjoying all the small things.... making plans for the future.
Went through similar, had treatment which lasted a year, then 18months later, having moved house just a few months earlier, with the help of a friend of his from work- off he goes.
Now its devastating - but I've decided that it really would have been horrible to grow old with someone behaving in such a way, and like you I've hought of those magazines, but not keen to air the dirty linen, and boy is it dirty, would cause him lots of difficulties and cause pain to our children again, so if I did it in the future it would be a back shot.
I have been asked to write my story for a cancer care magazine- but its all about survival, looking after 2 children, doing an intensive course at work, being promoted twice and been a survivor.
At times I feel bitter, I wanted to be here still for my children, he has a choice and chooses not to....
Live well and be strong. Unfortunately it happens, they start to think about the what if? and emotionally detatch, finding a replacement- sad and shallow.
Be strong,
Daisygreen x