Hi Everyone
Thought I had better re-introduce myself, as I had to change my username when I came back on the site after what must be 4 - 6 months ago now, I used to be JJ50 but had forgotten my password so had to change username and password.
For those of you who dont know my story here is a brief outline for those of you that remember me here is an update.My husband had an affair with a young (yes, young, half his age) girl that I used to work with, I found out and naturally all hell broke loose. I took it really bad (really, really, bad) the whole thing was made worse by the fact that at the time my mother was living with us and had been since my dad died. The ironic thing is that my husband asked my mum to come and live with us (insisted basically) he even asked her to move in before he had talked it over with me and the kids. I was working at the time and packed up my job to become a full time carer as mum has COPD and Osteoporosis. You can imagine the shock when I found out that he was having an affair with this young unmarried mum that I used to work with. Mum incidentally is now in a residential home as, like I said earlier, I did'nt cope with the affair very well, no that's a lie, I did'nt cope at all.
Anyhow this was all last year. I should by now, you would have thought moved on in some way, well guess what, no I have'nt. Im stuck in a kinda limbo. I did start divorce proceedings in the beginning for adultery and he did sign the
divorce petition but all the time he kept saying he was sorry, that he regreted it, that he did not want a divorce, that he loved me and the kids and eventually I agreed to put the divorce on hold to see if we could sort this mess out. Looking back now I think that it would have been much kinder on me if he had just gone off and lived with her and then I would have had to "get over it" the trouble is he kept on and on insisting that he loved me and did'nt want a divorce. He even moved back in with us in November and stayed until after xmas but I felt I was being pressurised into getting back to normal as he put it so he moved back in with his mother again. He wont talk much about his affair says that there is no point, it never meant anything (not to him maybe, but then who embarks on an affair with someone after you have made a commitment to somebody's mother?) I did keep on about it, trying to find out WHY!!!! but he has never explained he puts it down to a mid life crisis says he felt unloved, unwanted etc but I can tell you with my hand on my heart that he was very much loved by myself, the children, and my mum even my sisters loved and respected him (he had it all). The problem is that now even though he says he loves me I feel these things, crazy aint it, I hit the big 50 in January, I have never felt so down and depressed in my life, my confidence has gone right out of the window I feel fat old and ugly and you know what he never even bought me a bunch of flowers or anything for my 50th, ok, I know I have said that he needs to clear his debts (he has a lot of credit card debt) etc, etc but you would have thought that he could have bought me a bunch of flowers or something. I see him regularly, he comes round at weekends, sometimes pops in during the week after work and we get along ok, I deliberately never mention her anymore as I know that he will just go home to his mothers if I do he sees no point in discussing it anymore he seems to think it can all be brushed under the carpet and forgotten about. The trouble for me is that I have not managed to secure myself another job so am home all day thinking mainly about them, about the reasons why he did this and driving myself nuts. When he is here I am glad to see him (adult company I suppose) but if he stays over or is here too long I feel uncomfortable with him. I guess really when you think of it after 17 years of marriage and 2 kids later you have entered the comfort zone with your other half whereas because of his affair we have entered the uncomfortable zone. I think maybe as much as he thinks we can still work this out that maybe what we are now is friends in a weird kindda way.
I wish now that he had gone and lived with her and put me out of my misery and maybe I would have moved on by now.
Anyhow, sorry for my rambling, gone on a bit a guess but I wondered if anyone else has ever found themselves in this kindda situation.
Thanx for being there peeps
JJ xx
