help! I need advice

This is my first time on this or any chat forum Hello everyone!!
I was wondering whether anyone might be able to give me some advice on the following.
My husband`s business collapsed in jan last year and we lost a lot of money. I later found out he was having an affair and things went from bad to worse. He moved away and has now returned to the family home because he can not afford to rent anywhere. I have asked him if he wants to try again but he does not and I have decided to petition for divorce.
The house is worth around £220,000 and we have a mortgage of £153,00,the remaining equity has been eaten up with debts owing from the failed business. I only work a few hours a week at present and my husband has started up another business and says he is unable to buy me out and does not want to sell the house, he would like me to move out now before the divorce or continue living under the same roof until the economic climate(or his situation improves)I feel I am unable to continue living together as it is affecting my health as I feel angry, betrayed, and my self esteem is low and preventing me from moving on.( hence petitioning for divorce)
my question is........ when the divorce is finalised where will I stand regarding finances and maintenance, anyone any advice or information that might help?

Hi it's my first time too - but all I say to you is NO DON'T YOU DARE MOVE FROM YOUR HOUSE. He is the one who instigated this and at some stage he is going to have to face reality and understand that YOU are entitled to something. His total disrespect for you is inexcusable and belive me I lived with my ex - oh how I wish he was - for 8 months and went down to under 8 stone because of the stress but you will havE to go through the courts and yes it will cost but this man cannot and will not bully you please be strong - you need advice and I really hope that you find someone who can advise you wisely. My thoughts are with you but STAY cos that will get to him more but you have every right to be there. BE STRONG REALLY - forget him now and be silent do not say anything because then you don't bait your silence will say 1000 words because he will not know how you are thinking be clinical and calm. He will have to face the consequences of his actions eventually but please believe me when I say BE STRONG AND DO NOT GO - do not let him destroy you he's shown he is not worth it and he knows you are the stronger in this and that is actually his weakness get comfort from that!!!

caffelatte, you are probably right, but sometimes I wish I was just out of this situation so I could move on, I think the road ahead is a very rocky one!!

thank you so much for your words of advice and support.

Hi

Please listen to cafelatte.

What your stbx has done is batter your self-esteem. You are in a position I once was. Two years ago my ex decided to inform me tht throughout our married life he had had several women! I did not have a clue. He felt he ought to tell me because he hated living a lie.

However, we have 3 teenage girls and had a lovely big house. He was a police officer and wanted to stay with me in this family unit and he said he wouldnt hurt me again. How very decent of him!!!!

It took me months to get round everything. Months and months and months. I didn't want to get divorced after so many years (20 of marriage), I became very ill. One of my daughters was about to take her GCSEs. How did I handle it? I took to my bed. I couldn't cope. I think it was a nervous breakdown.

Anyway, one day, the light dawned. Don't ask me when, but before 6 months was up. I thought 'no bloody way'. I was 6 stone over weiht/ a fat frump. His revelations had meant I did not take my final exams to become a solicitor. That's how ill he had made me. I couldn't believe that I had stayed in a marriage (in which I basically was unhappy, but believed marriage is marriage) and then find out about my husband from his own mouth. How cruel is that?

Anyway, light dawned on marble head! I kicked the bastard out, took the exams (and passed) divorced him on adultery (6 months of knowledge), sold out big house and bought a tiny ex council house. Girls were mortified. But now - been in this house just over a year -

Goodness goodness me - how very happy we all are. And my delightful ex husband - well as we speak he is decorating one of my rooms.

I see him for what he is - a weak little shit. He now lives with his parents - has no life whatsoever. His life was here with me and the girls. He asks to do jobs for me and you know what? - I let him, I feel nothing for him at all.


Life is great - and yours will be - kick the bastard out of your heart forever and even if you have to stay in the house together for a while, just think one day your life will be on track again.

Jo x

p.s. I used to write a lot through my misery and despair when I was asking myself what was wrong with me. Of course, I now realise it wasn't me, it was him, but writing did help. And as I felt stronger emotionally I would rip the pages I had written.

btw - the 6 stone overweight, cos I was so miserable - off now and at 48 I am the fittest and happest I have ever been in my life!

Wow! thanks Jo,

I am so pleased to hear that everything is going great for you and your family now.

I do have fantastic support from my family and friends but get comfort from hearing how other people have coped.

My self esteem is at an all time low, and I feel exactly just as you did. This has been going on for some months and there is no money for him to buy me out and no equity in the house. I think I`m just having a bad week this week , I don`t know whether to petition for divorce this week and just get on with it or not, I feel he has the upper hand on me as well as he is an accountant and savvy with financies.

I have no money for a solicitor and have been advised to take legal aid.

What a mess!!

anyway thank you for your motivation and support.
Pat.

Hi pat. Not an expert but just wanted to say welcome to wiki & offer support ((hug)).
Firstly, if he is that good an accountant why did the business fail? Don't put yourself down. You will find all the advice & support you need on here to build your knowledge up.

Whatever you do STAY PUT in the property & do all you can to arrange it so you have as little contact as possible.
Look into registering your marital home rights if it is not a joint mortgage & if it is - dont sign any more debt onto it.
You can register with your local housing authority citing relationship breakdown but until your property is sold they can't help you because your housing needs are met.

I divorced my ex due to his financial irresponsibility last year & we are still in the same property. It was meant to be temporary & we wanted to sell by Sept.Then came the credit crunch so we are both undecided whether to take the hit & both walk away with nothing, or hang on for a better market. He has debts to be cleared.I am indemnified from all bar the existing mortgage.

We actually get on ok & there is nobody else involved but it is a bit like being in limbo, How weird would it be to meet someone and invite them home?

Where did yours stay before returning? How did he manage then?
Have you had a look at the financial forums & free tools link?

JoannaA, I like your style!