Struggling!!!

Hi Folks need some serious support as I have had no maintenance from my English husband who is living in Spain. He nearly killed me in April 2007 and I locked my daughetr and I in the house that night but of course he can't remember because of the drink. It took 8 months of serious thought because my 14 year old daughter - she's not his - had to finish her school year otherwise it would have been too traumatic for her. I moved into another room for those months but before leaving he wouldn't give me money for renting in the UK and nearly refused to pay the removals guy (36 hours overland because he didn't want the dog or budgie!)He wouldn't allow me any furniture other than my daughter's bed and then in the UK put £2k for me to settle here??? Bearing in mind we have a mini resort rentals business of which I am a third partner and this is worth nearly 2mil euros???I had to pay back most of that money from someone I borrowed to rent the place here and then he has paid for a car £800 and sent me £5k telling me that that should last 8 minths rent - bearing n mind the first 6 weeks my daughter and I had NO furniture whatsoever other than bed and about 15 boxes. Now the financial form E has come through to me which should have ben ready in Dec 08 and the Hearing is on Monday 9/3. He denied that my daughter was ever a child of the family yet she called him Dad for 4 years and now he has put down that he has next to no money yet is a Director of 3 cmanies and has a girlfriend and is living in an apartment by the beach. He has given no paperwork on the business or the rentals from last year to me and now I know he has closed and opened bank accounts elsewhere to move money because i saw how he worked when we were together. Please please I need lots of prayers and support for this man has robbed me totally and I travel to and work in London so am out of the house 7.35am and home 7pm, rent a house and am so frugal with money if it is a case of my daughter having then I give to her not that she demands. How about that one then? How about total betrayl and greed? So please think of me 9/3 I need to live and right now I am struggling I don't go out because I feel totally suffocated by the circumstances I am in which has taken months of stress to get to this stage and he was even bullying me via solicitors with regards to my child and her natural father who I have not seen since I told him that I was pregnant and completely forgetting that this divorce was being pursued on grounds of unreasonable beahvious??? He tried to kill us again by making us get into a car when he was so over the limit but if we refused he would have done something anyway. Please tell me there are some decent folk out there....what say you guys on this

Caffelatte

Since nobody else has replied I suppose i had better try and start the ball rolling.

It goes without saying that your husband's behaviour is despicable. Unfortunately, unreasonable behaviour is not the sole prerogative of either sex.

The first question I would ask is whether you are entitled to legal help.

The CAB website adviceguide will give you the information you need as to whether you qualify.

The second suggestion I would like to make is to contact a Womens Aid organisation. These people have a great deal of experience in dealing with cases like yours . They also know solicitors who are on the ball.

In a case like this my thoughts would tend towards the possibility of an injunction. However if you are not legally represented that is easier said than done, I know.

The next concrete suggestion I could make is to look at benefits, in particular tax credits ( both child and working tax credits ) and perhaps assistance with your rent.

I assume you will have claimed maintenance. From what you say, I am inclined to agree that he isn't likely to pay it.
But if he has substantial assets, then there are two questions I would ask.

I pay maintenance myself and have done for a long time. It would be pointless refusing to pay as my ex, or rather her receiver, could get it paid direct from my pension. It is obviously harder to enforce maintenance against someone refusing to pay and in such circumstances the Courts have at least one weapon. They can order him to pay a larger share of his assets than would be the case if he paid the maintenance without quibble. Without knowing your husband's assets it's hard to say.

There's another side to this too. If your husband has assets which a Court can reach, it may well be worth your while spending say £20K if you can reasonably expect to recover £100K. But your husband is in Spain and this adds an extra dimension.

There is unfortunately no way I could advise you on this one.
I am long since retired and I was never a divorce lawyer anyway. Amanda ( divorcelawyer ) may be able to help but she or anyone else would need to have precise information about your respective means.

I will pray for you and your daughter. I am a lay minister these days but will offer help to anyone of any faith or none at all. See what other people say, but it does help to talk. Belonging to a site like this makes you realise you are not alone and you can share experiences/ You can come back to me if you wish.

Good luck
Mike 100468

Dear Mike 100468 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR KIND ADVICE. Today had a meeting with my solicitor going over his Form E's and I have been totally honest but him? Well God does work in mysterious ways and he has lied and cheated and hidden so his time will come when He has to face those lies in court - I still need your prayers for the strength to go through with this. Thanku

hi, caffelatte,
are you sure you can be divorced in the uk?
i am currently going through divorce but i have been told it has to go through the spanish courts, like you my wife is also trying to hide assets, i also have a son and step son, from what i have been told i have to pay maintanance for my son but not my stepson, even still i will help him as much as i can as i have brought him up as my son.

Hi Pete32167 yes marrid in the Uk and both still hold uK passports and this benefits me better as the Spaniards are
very chauvanistic (spelling a bit dubious there I think!). If you were married in the UK try and get it done properly here in Spain manana manana banana so I wish you all the very best Be strong and try and get advice from solicitors who have knowledge of Spain - I wish I'd dine that in the beginning a bit more research into that as this solicitor has taken nearly a year to understand what a lying cheating thing is that I am dealing with. GOOD LUCK and I will think of you

hi,
i think you will find the courts here favour the woman, you would have been better to have stayed here as the woman is entitled to stay in the mh, untill the child reaches 18, i was also married in the uk, but if you live in spain and have paid taxes here the divorce has to be done here.
if your husband has been violant, then maybe it is best to just thank your lucky stars that you are away from him, and start again?
all the best i am sure you will be fine.
pete.

MMM not sure on that one our home was in Spain and I had no choice in the long run but to walk away as his behaviour was becoming more aggressive and I didn't trust him. So now I rent in the uk and I do thank my lucky stars I am here I have choices and I know the truth will out in the end but I am fighting for mine and my daughter's future security. Needs Must - Thankyou Pete