Relieved but in shock

After years of suspecting my husband to be gay and taking lots of bad behaviour from him, I decided to file for divorce in January.

Unfortunately, I managed to get in to his desktop & `secret` email and found out a lot more of what he`d been getting up to which was pretty shocking to say the least. He`s been telling everybody the marriage went stale, only because he`d been living a lie for years - I feel used and abused as he obviously married me to make him feel `normal`. It`s very hard to cope with as it`s not as if he`d gone off with another female. It`s devastated our grown up son as he realises he`s not the father he thought he was. Friends and family are also in shock.

Still, I`m trying to be positive and hopefully, this time next year, it`ll all be over bar the shouting - well I live in hope.

Hallo and welcome to Wikivorce!

It is often the case that when people separate they find they aren't the people they thought they were.

You will find support here.

Wow, that's crazy. At least he didn't leave you for another woman! My future ex husband is a total creton who I've just found out chased any piece of skirt. At least you can rationalise it that it really wasn't you - it was all completley his fault!

Thanks, both of you, for the support but it is hard to think that `he` wasn`t the `man` I thought he was - why do people lie so much? After all we only have one life. Mind you I did have my suspicions over the years but then you get bogged down with loads of family stuff and just carry on regardless. The times I should have left him - hindsight and all that.

Hindsight is a real enemy in divorce!!

There is a certain type of person that doesn't consider their marriage vows and seems to think they can get away with things and when they are found out they make up stories about they were unhappy for years etc etc. Unfortunately your ex, like mine is one of these people.

The trick is to put it behind you and get on with your own life, and you will do it! The support you get from friends, family and from here will help you a lot!

All the best

S

(((Magenta)) At least now you know, and you can leave the marriage with a clear conscience that you were not to blame and it was not your fault.

I know its not a nice thing to think about, but please make sure your health has not been compromised, if you know what I mean.

I have recently found out my partner has been using Shanghainese prostitutes as well as shacking up with a chinese bar girl... and I have now the added worry that he might have passed something nasty on to me. Just another wonderful thing to worry about. I intend visiting the Drs asap!
(Don't you just love being open on this site?)

Be strong, move onwards and upwards. Your new life begins today now you have found us here...

Bevs xxx

Thanks for all your messages of support.

Luckily, I haven`t `you know what` with him for ages and it was always protected but the doc did say to go to the clinic and get checked out just in case. Unfortunately, I`ve found out I have a thyroid complaint and pernicious anaemia which can be serious - sure some of it must be stress.

He`s being awkward again - I read a blog about phychopaths somewhere on the site and all the behaviour is very much how he acted. He was always right, never to blame - can`t believe I stayed with such a weird person for so long.