Hi, I am new to this and hope to get some support.

Hi, my husband of 22 years suddenly announced in the first week of Jan that he didn't love me anymore and wanted to move out, he said he needed to sort his head out. He went to his mums and I tried really hard to give him space and didn't contact him for over 3 weeks. When I did he said he wanted to talk, so we met up and had a sort of 'date'. he told me he had been feeling unloved and undervalued, we talked about making changes and dating, he was very affectionate and said he wanted to try to make things work. He took me to a hotel fo valentines night and we had a great time,2 weeks later he moved back home, everything seeemd to be going well, he said he enjoyed talking to me more and seemed happy for a few days, but then he became withdrawn and just 1 week after he moved back in he said that he definitely didn't love me anymore and that he had to move back out! We were having passionate sex every night and i thought he really wanted to try, but he didn't. Is this a mid life crisis? should i just leave him now to get on with it and move on with my life? has anyone had a similar experience. There is no one else involved, he is living at his mums ( who does everything for him!) I am hurting so much, some days are not too bad and some are black, and I cry all the time. he has been gone just over a week. i have been reading articles saying that i shouldn't contact him for at least 3 months, any advise?

you are probably still in shock about this, whereas your husband has been brooding on this for some time.

I wouldn't assume there's no one else involved, but then I am a cynic!

concentrate on yourself. if your husband wants to come back he will, if he doesn't he won't. Whether you contact him after 3 months or 3 weeks or 3 days won't help in any case.

Get on with your own life. That way if he doesn't come back you will be in a stronger position, and if he does come back it will be better than giving the impression you've just been sitting about waiting for him.

Some men do go through a midlife crisis and very often there is another woman involved.

nasus, its a horrible experience and well done you for trying so hard. You must however feel a little used as you have hed close contact.
It is a very hard time and so hard to see couple such as you split up, especially as you remain so intimate.
You have to decide if you want to move on with your life.
If you dont he will play you like a harp and keep plucking, I could be harsh and say when he is ready for more sex he will be back, but I dont know him so he may not be like this, but it does happen.
If you let him keep bouncing it will continually hurt you more than him.
You will gets lots of advice and support from here which ever way you go.
Please accept that if you do decide to end it, you have to understand what his reaction maybe and people react in many different ways, and it is how the game will be played later depending on the mood.

Hi nasus,

I am sorry to say this, but I agree with NoRegrets, please don't assume that there is no-one else involved. It certainly seems like it.

You do need to leave him alone and get on with your own life. It is awfully hard, but the more contact you have, the longer the pain goes on and the harder it is to move on.

I would say that if he has gone, then returned, then gone again, the chances of him returning again for good are slim. Just read other stories on here...there have been lots of people who have had spouses come and go for a long time, onlt gor them to eventually leave for good.

Go do something just for you, pamper yourself a little, after all, you can do just what you want now!

Take Care

Thank you for your message. I feel so up and down each day, sometimes on the floor with hurt and desperation, sometimes with hope for a better future. It will be good to have somewhere like this forum to get support.

Nasus

though in principle I do tend to empathise with all the other posts in response to your dilemma, I really am of the opinion that in a lot of the responses that are posted in this, and various other forums, that those people have been on the receiving end of horrible experiences from their other halfs - in my case we came to the 'end of our rainbow', despite the rants that I have posted throughout my time here, today I met up with my stbx at our son's school assembly and quite frankly all I saw was a shell of the person I was married to - no one else involved when it happened, and as the person who was defending the petition, I frankly couldn't care less - in a roundabout way what I'm saying is that don't let the bitterness that some may have here cloud your judgement - I'm at DN stage, but she's the mother of my children, and I love her for that,I wish her no ill, I can't be friends with her and I only want what's best for my kids.

We're all different, with differing inputs that have led to us being here - what I'm saying is to follow what only you can decide, but most of all, make sure that your children come first

dd

Nasus

totally agree with DD. My husband recited what your husband did. he left four years ago, came back three months later and then left again last weekend. (we had been living seperately for three months). he is the one in a mess now and i am coping well. it does get better. do you have children because obviously you will need to contact him if you do. daily, weekly, monthly, there is not write. there does not have to be someone else involved. sometimes people just dont know what they have got and need to lose it. i wish my H no ill, he gave me three wonderful children and 22 happy years (mostly). sometimes people grow up and apart. i dont know what will happen with your marriage or mine for that matter. if he wanted to come home i wouldnt let him - i donteven know what i want now. he is still my best friend, the person i want to laugh with about something funny - but do i want him to be my husband still - not as the person he has become - take each day at a time - dont live waiting - live for you and cross each bridge when you get to it. there will be people who try to make you believe things that arent true - their experiences will be different to yours so take their comments on board but dont believe all of them - they may not be relevant to your situation.

take care