thought id say hi

hi folks, this is all new to me, so bare with me please.
Im 39 years old, with three fantastic children and became seperated in october 08. Id say that for the best part of our 16 year marriage, things have been pretty good and alot of people seemed to admire the family unit we had. My wife is a great person, but is unfortunatley manipulted by her very selfish mother. My wifes parents are of the type that money means all and its often used as a bantering tool. I came from a background where money was tight, but ive learned to enjoy the simple things in life and hope my kids have also. Early on in our childrens life, we would be told when my inlaws would have the kids, would buy them things when we had the money, which were quickly replaced by more expensive items, yes from my inlaws. I was often told i would never be part of their family and since my parents allready had grandchildren, then our three kids would predominantly be theres, yes your probablly starting to get the picture. Just over two years ago my wife and i decided to move, for a new start and to have some like to ourselfs, my parents were happy for us and it wasnt easy to leave since my dad was terminally ill, but he gave us all his support and blessings. My inlaws unfortunatley took it realy bad and made my wife and i feel pretty guilty. My mother in law told my wife that i was just taking her and the kids way and that she should not leave, however my wife stood on her own two feet and decided to move with me. Well unfortunatley after that decision my wife was given no support from her parents, together by herself and the help of my family she packed the house up as i had allready secured a new job by this time. While away my wifes parents made very little contact with her or the kids and visited the once for three days, even though they afford three holidays abroad each year. I felt sorry for my wife and we got the money together so that she could visit her family as often as possible. My wife went for a holiday with her mother and our three kids last summer and not long after my wife declared she would be leaving. Im still living with my oldest son who wants to finish his schooling here and my wife lives with the other two children near her parents. I feel so bitter towards her folks, who bent over backwards as soon as she returned. Im doing my best to pay all the bills, including joint loans, but my wage is not great and its a struggle. I cant move back to the way things were as our marriage would once again be very controlled by her parents, and i feel for the best i should stay put and make a new start for myself. I hope i dont come across as being selfish, but having my inlaws involved in the marriage has caused alot of stress in my life and i dont need it.
thanks for listening x

Hi

My m-i-l (soon to be ex) made my life hell in the last few moths - I sincerely believe that she was the one who pushed my stbx into divorcing me (m-i-l has had 3 failed marriages behind her) - I know how you feel - no matter what you do, it's always not good enough to your wife (influenced by her parents) and your in-laws.....

you aren't selfish, you're a realist - keep posting here and there are lots of good, wise people here to help
take care

dd

Hi Blue

Welcome to Wiki! not a place anyone wanted to find but we are all glad we did.

it must not have been easy having such overbearing inlaws. i dont think you sound selfish at all. you want your life as a family together. but unfortunately it seems that your wife is not able to stand up to her parents. it is a pity that she does not realise that its you and your kids who are her immediate family now.

is she adamant that she wants the marriage to end? is it possible to maybe go for councelling together, to talk about how the bearing of her parents has influenced this marriage?

if you think that it can be done - then you dont have much options i am afraid - other than do well by your kids, take care of yourself and reclaim ur life

take care
claudette