Separated in January 2009

So sorry to read your story - I am no longer surprised by what I read here but saddened that this is happening to so many people.

I spent some time at Relate, alone, as my stbx wouldnt come with me. I was told there, and it has stuck with me, that as the 'injured party', you do need to work hard to make sure that you give your children 'permission' to love the other parent. It is really hard, I know, for you. But he is their dad and they can make up their own minds about his behaviour over time/space/experience. Try not to influence it - they won't thank you if you do. They need to work out where THEY stand with him, how he feels about THEM and what sort of commitment he is going to give them now. Stand back as much as you can, be consistent, fair and loving.

I do not personally think there is anythign wrong with them seeing you upset and knowing exactly what has happened as they are at an age when they can work things out for themselves - but it must be for themselves.

This 'advice' has helped me a lot - my children are smaller, only 2 and 4, and they need their dad, whatever my feelings maybe (run, fast, in the opposite direction!). Welcome, you're in the right place x