Hi, I'm new

Hey everyone

I hadn't seen this place before and it looks like just what I needed.

I'm 35 (only just) and in the process of divorcing so I'm sure I'll be on here a fair bit
I was married for 9 years before separating but had only really had a marriage for 3. My ex could never settle into married life and always needed to be in a confrontation which left things very strained. I'm guilty of letti g her get away with it because (or at leeast I thought) it would make her happy. It didn't. After a while it started getting to me and I gradually fell out of love but still stayed as we have 2 kids. I just thought that that was how evrybodys marriage was, at least behind closed doors.
She would constantly suggest we split up, tell me I wasn't a man, grow some balls etc. She even accused me of being gay! ( she never wanted sex)
The last time we argued over something trivial she again went down the route of threatening to split. This time I said Fine and had moved out within a few weeks. It turns out she didn't really want me to go and she begged me to come back. Literally begged me. Which wasn't pleasant to see. After all this time there was just no feelings left towards her.
She was never going to be able to dominate me enough to satisfy herself. Sometimes I really think she wanted me to give her a good whack! Something I would never do obviously. Even though we were loveless I didn't stray but found out prettysoon afterwards that she had.
I don't bear her any I'll will, im smart enough to know that we were just not supposed to be together. I'd never have met my new partner otherwise and I'm happy to say we are a perfect match.
That's the nuts and bolts of it, actually there was a hell of a lot of I'll will from her, bad mouthing me to the kids and to anyone else who'd listen, but that's all her problem.
Apart from not seeing my kids enough I'm as happy as can be and luckily never lost my true self even if it did come really really close.
Thanks for listening/reading

Hallo and welcome to Wikivorce

You'll find company here if you need it and advice. As you have found another partner you are probably in a better place than many of us, but emotional support is here too.

Welcome to wikivorce

As noregrets said, there is a wealth of support, information and advice here - see DivorceLawyer's free legal advice surgery if you feel the need, Mon-Fri - 6-8pm

Shezi

Superkav wrote:

Hey everyone

I just thought that that was how evrybodys marriage was, at least behind closed doors......

...........Apart from not seeing my kids enough I'm as happy as can be and luckily never lost my true self even if it did come really really close.
Thanks for listening/reading

Hi

I've just taken a few of your bits and 'quoted' them ... firstly, welcome to Wiki as everybody else here has welcomed you!

on your first point - I think that we all thought that this was 'how it was meant to be' - you just got on with life, dealing with the crap that was sent your way, providing, bringing up children and everything else that came our way in the belief that it was for ever, as our vows reinforced - oh how wrong we were! Read the posts - some people just can't commit themselves, or have a low 'fighting spirit' threshold and just run.

your kids are the most important, and thank G*d you recognise that - YOU ARE LUCKY TO HAVE RECOGNISED THAT!!!!!!!!!!

keep posting - many other will give you a take on your dilemma - this is only my take on it (thanks to a rather good red)

take care

dd